Intentional parenting

Tag: rolemodel

  • Loving your children

    As a working migrant community, creating time to bond with your children is very important.

    Our children are competing for our attention with Shifts, black tax, social media, our mobile phones parental fatigue and stress. So what can we do?

    Below are 5 tips that I have used myself and many other parents I work with , with positive results.

    1. Establish a Morning or Evening Ritual

    • Use the time before or after your shifts to bond. For example, have breakfast together or create a bedtime routine like reading a story, talking about the day, or sharing a quick prayer or song. This creates consistency and helps your child feel connected. Eat at the dinner table with no TV on. For those who work long shifts, connect via whatsapp, face time etc. Have a virtual catch up , negotiate your break times so you can connect with your children.

    2. Maximize Your Days Off

    • Dedicate your off days to family-focused activities like visiting parks, museums, or simply cooking and eating together. Plan these activities ahead of time to make the most of them. Involve your child in choosing the activities to build anticipation and excitement. Most National Trust places are very good for spending time as a family. More detail here

    3. Incorporate Quality Moments into Everyday Tasks

    • Turn chores or errands into fun bonding opportunities. For instance, involve your children in meal prep or grocery shopping by assigning them small tasks, like picking ingredients or organizing items at home. Play music while cooking, share your childhood playlist with them and what it was like growing up. Let them share their own playlist as well, who is their favourite artist? You will be killing so many birds with this activity from family history, present culture to understanding each others likes. Enjoy!

    4. Use Technology Thoughtfully

    • If you work long shifts or overnight, use video calls to check in during breaks or before bedtime. Leave a heartfelt message or short video for them to watch when they wake up if you’re not there.

    5. Focus on Active Listening During Limited Time

    • When you’re with your children, give them your full attention. Ask open-ended questions about their day and feelings. Avoid distractions like your phone, so they feel valued and understood. Here at intentional parenting we did a challenge a few years ago where we encouraged parents to leave their phones upstairs the first hour they get home from work. This challenge yielded incredible results. Would you try it?,

    6. It’s very important to extend grace and compassion to yourself as a parent during tough seasons of parenting. May be you are a lone parent, establish a community around you to help. Be clear and communicate your VISION as a parent so your children can understand and marry into it. If you need help to put strategies in place , speak to someone or just get some advice , get in touch with Fadzai

    Balancing work and parenting is challenging, but intentional efforts can help you stay close to your children and nurture their emotional well-being.

    What else can you add to this?

    Every blessing

    Fadzai x

  • Five tips for demonstrating love to your children as a Christian parent:

    1. Spend Quality Time Together:
    • Tip: Dedicate undivided attention to your children by engaging in activities they enjoy and creating meaningful memories together.
    • Example: Have regular family devotionals, play games, go on nature walks, or simply listen to them share about their day.

    2-Model Christlike Behavior:

    • Tip: Exhibit the qualities of Jesus in your daily interactions with your children, including patience, kindness, humility, and forgiveness.
    • Example: Apologize when you make a mistake, show patience during stressful times, and speak kindly and respectfully.

    3-Teach and Live Out Biblical Principles:

    • Tip: Incorporate biblical teachings into your family life and make Scripture a central part of your home.
    • Example: Read Bible stories together, pray as a family, and discuss how biblical principles can be applied in everyday situations. Show love, affection, compassion and forgiveness. As Christian parents we are called to demonstrate the fruit of the spirit, read Galatians 5:22

    4-Encourage and Affirm:

    • Tip: Regularly encourage and affirm your children, highlighting their strengths and expressing confidence in their abilities.
    • Example: Praise their efforts in school, sports, or hobbies, and affirm their unique qualities and God-given talents. You can look at our affirmations challenge here
    • 5- Show Unconditional Love and Grace:
    • Tip: Demonstrate unconditional love and grace, mirroring God’s love for us, by loving your children without conditions or expectations.
    • Example: Offer forgiveness freely, reassure them of your love even when they make mistakes, and support them through their challenges without judgment. Love for children is spelt as TIME. Spend quality time with your children away from distractions. Create family traditions and memories.

    What else can you add to this? Would love to hear from you.

    Remain intentional

    Yours

    Fadzai x

  • Parental contribution

    Men often face various barriers to opening up about their struggles, influenced by cultural, psychological, and social factors.

    What tips can we do as parents to support our sons and all the men in our lives to enjoy positive mental wellbeing?

    1. Cultural and Social Norms:
      Men are often socialized to conform to traditional masculine norms, which emphasize strength, stoicism, and self-reliance. Research indicates that these norms discourage emotional expression and vulnerability. For example, Mahalik et al. (2003) found that men who strongly adhere to traditional masculine norms are less likely to seek help and express emotions, as doing so is seen as a sign of weakness . Practical TIP- In our homes we can encourage fathers to role model seeking help and support from family members. We can learn more about mental health presentations and other things that we do not know. -As parents we need to stay current and updated.
    2. Fear of Stigmatization:
      There is a significant stigma attached to mental health issues and emotional vulnerability among men. Vogel et al. (2011) demonstrated that men fear being judged or labeled as weak if they disclose their struggles. This fear of stigmatization leads to a reluctance to discuss their problems or seek professional help. Practical Tip- from a young age, normalise boys struggling with their emotions or being frustrated. For example when they have a melt down, try and refrain from ‘mukomana haadaro’ translated ‘boys don’t do that’
    3. Perceived Inadequacy of Emotional Expression:
      Many men believe they lack the skills to effectively communicate their emotions. Research by Levant et al. (2009) shows that men often feel inadequate in expressing their feelings, partly due to limited emotional vocabulary and the societal expectation to suppress emotions. Practical Tip.. teach all your children on the importance and place of emotion. generally in many African Christian homes, emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety are not clearly defined but shrouded in religious terms yet we see David in the book of psalms battling these emotions time and time again. Next time you feel anxious about something.. a new job, friendship, interview etc.. vocalise that and demonstrate practical strategies that you are applying to overcome the anxiety eg breathing exercise.. going for a walk, praying, meditation etc.
    4. Concerns About Burdening Others:
      Men often worry about burdening others with their problems, fearing that opening up might negatively impact their relationships or be seen as a drain on others’ emotional resources. Research by Addis and Mahalik (2003) found that men are less likely to discuss personal issues because they do not want to be perceived as a burden to their friends or family.
    5. Lack of Supportive Environments:
      Many men do not have access to supportive environments where they feel safe to express their struggles. A study by Courtenay (2000) highlights that men are less likely to find supportive spaces that encourage open emotional expression, as many social settings for men emphasize competition and emotional restraint over mutual support. Practical Tip- Normalise your children see you BUILDING life giving relationships. Talk about nurturing relationships, identify them together and discuss what makes them special. Who are the two people that you count on in our own life?

    These factors collectively contribute to why men might struggle to open up about their problems, impacting their mental health and well-being. We can change that narrative and it begins in our homes.

    What else can you add?

    Found this useful? Let me know in comment section below. If you need to discuss some of this in depth, do get in touch via this link .

  • Daughter’s love letter x

    Today is befitting that I should honor you publicly. You have been a source of encouragement and wisdom. You are my sounding board, always available and ready to guide and stand in prayer for me and my family.

    Orphaned at 5years of age, you have very vague memories of both your parents. You did not have an easy upbringing being cared for by older siblings and sometimes extended family. Despite the challenges you faced growing up, you chose those difficulties not to define you. Stories are told of many days that you went to bed with an empty stomach. When I have asked you about it, you said:

    “Yes, that may have happened but that was in the past, we are here now.”

    You have never looked back with any misgiving but with gratitude. You are a generous, giving and loving person. You waited long to get married so that you can extend your gratitude where it was needed first. Thank you for that.

    Strong willed and determined. I remember when I was 16years how you fought with your board of directors that I should be allowed to learn computing at your work place. It was either that or they gave you a pay increase to fund my computing lessons. There were only 4computers in the entire clothing manufacturing company that you worked. Indeed,  during that summer holiday, every Saturday  I attended ‘computing’ lessons within the human resource department of your workplace.

    I remember my very first Saturday, the payroll manager didn’t know what to do with me. The computer system was configured to do payroll and nothing else because that what his job. In the end I learnt about the computer components, switching on, off, MS word and a bit of typing. In today’s time, it may seem a waste of time but it meant the whole world to me. Those you worked with had great respect for you, your work ethic and intergrity. This particular incident placed you in a different category altogether in their eyes. Thank you baba👏🏾♥️.

    This is one of the many examples of the father you are. You have never wanted me to miss out on any opportunity in life and you still continue even though I am now married with a family of my own. You wanted me to go and study in America but I chose to be engaged and get married. You were greatly disappointed with my choice but you forgave and blessed my intentions.

    Thank you for reminding me to dream, chase after my goals and be a better version of myself. During the rare occasions that we get to talk on the phone, you are able to challenge me on my insecurities and fleeting dreams. It’s amazing how you remember most desires that I may have shared with you in conversation.

    I’m told you wanted a boy as a first born child but I came along. I remember you telling me that in your eyes I am the first born child you always wanted. You are the wind beneath my wings baba. Incredibly proud of all our achievements as your children like most parents, but you take it another notch. You never do things in half measures and I am honoured to have a tiny strik of that!

    For example, how you broke into serious tongues when they announced my name at my graduation ceremony in September 2015. The whole place went quiet as a lot of people couldn’t understand what was going on . For nearly two minutes, the Dean of faculty gave you the chance to express how you felt, those incomprehensible uttering that cannot be understood. I did understand and still do understand baba. I fought to complete that course and secure a job. You knew very well the path I had walked because you walked with me in your prayers, texts messages of encouragement and hope. It was hard losing Bridget just as I started the year long postgraduate degree.

    Your journey of faith is a profound one. Filled with so much grace and tangible mercies. Your heartfelt prayers vibrate through all your children and we stand as testimonies of a your travailing prayers. You once worshipped the ancestral spirits, got baptised under the catholic faith. Your transition into pentecostal evangelical, can only be by His grace. I have watched you grow like the tree of Lebanon and indeed your latter days are greater.

    I could write a book about you baFadzai.


    May the Lord fill your horn to overflow. May He continue to be glorified in you.

    Love you forever ❤