Tag: migrant

  • Diaspora diaries: My children and their education-supporting exam time.

    Webinar

    Below are the tips we shared on supporting your children.

    God has called us into a *living* relationship with Him and those around us especially our families, children in particular.

    By investing time, we are able to be effective in supporting their journey into their growth.

    – Loving them despite and beyond the grades is key.

    – Love propels us to invest time in prayer for them.

    – Supporting them with their studies throughout the year is more important than exam day.

    – Speak to their teachers, be involved at school.

    – For most of us, the education system is a whole new experience. Seek to learn from others, ask questions, be open and willing to learn.

    – Let’s be sensitive and empathetic towards other parents who may seem to be struggling at school.

    Here are seven effective strategies:

    1. Create a Study-Friendly Environment

    β€’Why: A quiet, organized space helps concentration and reduces distractions.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Dedicate a specific area for studying, free from noise and clutter.

    β€’ Provide good lighting, comfortable seating, and necessary stationery.

    β€’ Encourage short, focused study sessions using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of break).

    2. Establish a Study Routine

    β€’Why: A consistent routine reduces anxiety and builds productive habits.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Work together to create a realistic revision timetable, balancing core subjects and weaker areas.

    β€’ Include regular breaks and time for relaxation to prevent burnout.

    β€’ Monitor progress and adjust the plan if needed.

    3. Manage Phone and Social Media Usage

    β€’Why: Phones and social media can be major distractions during study time.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Agree on β€œphone-free” study times and use apps like Forest or Focus Booster to block distractions.

    β€’ Designate times for social media use, ideally during breaks or after study sessions.

    β€’ Lead by example by minimizing your own screen time during family hours.

    4. Encourage a Balanced Lifestyle

    β€’Why: Physical activity, sleep, and a healthy diet improve focus and reduce stress.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Promote regular exercise, such as walks, yoga, or sports.

    β€’ Ensure they get 8-9 hours of sleep each night by setting consistent bedtimes.

    β€’ Provide nutritious meals and encourage hydration, avoiding excess caffeine or sugary snacks.

    5. Offer Emotional Support

    β€’Why: GCSEs can be stressful, and children need to feel supported and understood.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Listen to their concerns without judgment and offer reassurance.

    β€’ Avoid comparing them to peers or siblings.

    β€’ Celebrate small achievements to boost their confidence and motivation.

    6. Encourage Active Revision Techniques

    β€’Why: Passive studying is less effective than active learning.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Suggest methods like mind maps, flashcards, practice exams, and teaching concepts to others.

    β€’ Use online resources, such as GCSEPod, BBC Bitesize, or Seneca Learning, to diversify study approaches.

    β€’ Discuss difficult topics together to help them articulate their understanding.

    7. Model a Growth Mindset

    β€’Why: A positive attitude can reduce anxiety and encourage perseverance.

    β€’How:

    β€’ Emphasize effort over results: β€œIt’s about doing your best, not being perfect.”

    β€’ Share examples from your own life where persistence led to improvement.

    β€’ Remind them that setbacks are learning opportunities, not failures.

    Bonus Tip: Stay Involved

    Regularly check in on their progress and well-being without micromanaging. Balance support with independence to build their confidence in managing their responsibilities.

  • Diaspora parenting

    Parenting is the most challenging and yet incredibly rewarding role that one will ever take. If you are a parent you will probably agree with me. Here i’m sharing 5tips from my upcoming book
    “Raising Fa: Surviving parenting in Diaspora”
    In this book I share on what has worked for me as a mom and I what I have learnt through my role as a public health nurse working with families in UK community as well as a safeguarding children’s nurse. Both roles have fundamental understanding of child development theories, family dynamics and the impact of environmental/societal factors on the development of a child.
    PARENTING TIPS:
    1– Partnering with God. For me this remains the best decision I made as a mom. In all circumstances, I have turned to God to help me as a mom and also help my children at whatever stage they are. By partnering with Him, it lessened the burden as when challenging times came, I looked and literally took my burden to His feet. I will share more on my next blog on how to lay at feet in prayer, interceding for our children. In that blog I will share tips such as praying for your child in their bedroom, playing worship songs continuously in their rooms etc
    2— Pray, pray, pray. Pray in faith concerning your children. Dare to believe God for the promises He says concerning your children. My favourite is “All our children shall be taught of the lord and great shall be their peace” Isaiah 54:13 O the price of peace!! That’s the greatest gift I could give my children. That they may know His peace that transcends all understanding. The bible says pray at all times and in all manner. If it bothers you, pray about it, philipians 4:6
    3—- Time is money, valuable and is precious! How true with our children! Give them the gift of your time. Let them know how much they mean to you. Drop everything and be with them. It’s the best investment one could ever make, it gives in returns. Imagine a romantic relationship with someone who can never prioritise you but gives you the leftovers all the time. It is the same with our children. Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
    Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
    4—Be equipped, learn how to be a parent. A lot of us feel we can just do it, maybe. My personal experience by not being equipped I made a lot of mistakes and now I am trying to rectify these especially with our first. Both my pregnancies were unplanned. Back home, when the community helped to raise a child, it was easier and doable. A lot of the older women were great teachers in informal education. Fast forward in the diaspora, that community is not there. Older women are around but busy and scarce.
    Parenting classes then become fundamental for a parent who wants to get it right. Local children centres offer bite size parenting courses, churches and charities as well as independent consultants offer parenting courses. Online courses are also available that are affordable and easily accessible. Society will not let you get on the road without a licence but it is ok to raise a human being on trial and error. Think about it.
    5—-In managing behaviours, use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, β€œI like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
    Help your child learn to express how s/he feels. Say: β€œYou seem frustrated.” β€œHow are you feeling?” β€œAre you upset?” β€œYou look like you are angry about that.” β€œIt’s O.K. to feel that way.”
    Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them.
    Above all remember to be kind to your yourself and remain hopeful. Some days are harder and some seasons are even challenging. The truth of the matter is that, it WILL come to pass. Take deep breaths, drink your water and try and get some rest. Sleep enough hours to build resilience so you can continue on the journey.
    Would love to hear how you are getting on in your parenting journey. Drop us a comment, like. Share the message of hope and let other parents know we can do it.
    Till next time,
    Remain intentional 🌱
    Love
    Fadzai x
    πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ½
  • Facebook live

    Thank you very much to all those who joined us at 3pm GMT. We were talking the challenges of parenting and Below is a short summary of some of the take-aways from the session.

    ✨Remember in our parenting journey, connection with our children is key. Be available mentally, emotionally and physically.

    ✨Prioritise your children. Let your diary and commitments reflect that. Remember with children love is spelt TIME.

    ✨It’s ok and totally acceptable as an african parent to apologise to your children when you get things wrong.

    🌟Faith community leaders, please have a heart for families. Do not hide under political correctness. Remember β€˜what would Jesus do?’ and do just that. Consider the single parent homes with the heart of our Lord Jesus.


    We explored in depth the issue of supporting single parent homes and providing mentorship for vulnerable young men. There were issues around married men/pastors and leaders being fearful of supporting a single mother and worrying about being accused of all sorts of things. I concluded that if the CHURCH does not step in to have an impact on the congregants, someone else will and many a times these are bad guys that we don’t want near our children/ community. If we look at the county lines model; the drug dealer simply befriends and entice our children with gifts and promise of a bright future. We can adopt the same model. If youth pastors/ leaders took the same interest in our children, understand what they like, their fears, vulnerability, I believe we will win SOME of them over.

    We encouraged faith communities to have properly, well structured programs with safeguarding processes in place to offer mentorship programs.

    Jesus was very controversial in most of his relationships, driven by compassion and love for the marginalised as well as vulnerable. Remember the Samaritan woman at well? She had a thing with men yet Jesus risked all that.

    For parents struggling with children, please seek help. Don’t stew at home. There is a lot of help available from local authorities to charities such as Migrant Family Support and Father 2 father

    For more in-depth conversation, listen to link below:

    Remember you are not alone πŸ’•

  • Identity

    This was the topic for our webinar this evening. How important is it for our children to speak the native language, cook native food etc?

    It became imperative during the session that before we unpick our children’s identity, how do we as mother identify ourselves??. Examples were given of being a wife, mother, daughter, minister of the Gospel etc. How do we live out all these ‘titles’, does it matter what comes first? all these were questions we pondered.

    With our children we agreed that nativism enriches their lives. It’s their heritage. We concluded that as far as identity is concerned it is more than food, drink, colour of your skin or even place of birth.

    We acknowledged that our children are global citizens such that being a native of a particular nation would limit their experiences and world.

    Having said that, as mothers of faith, our identity and that of our children is found in God. We are first and foremost children of God. He created us and knew us of before the foundation of the world. That is who we are.

    Living out our faith and identity day to day, helps to define who we are in the eyes of our children. We are reminded that to as many as recieved Him, He has given them the right to become children of God.

    Suggestions were made of reminding our children of their identity in God. Saying words such as ‘you are a mighty man of valour, a women of faith, a man of prayer, a princess etc’ helps to define them. As mothers of faith, we are prophets so we speak the promises of God concerning them.

    References were drawn from the previous post on Black Panther and importance of speaking into the lives of our children.

    As a mom, how do you identify yourself?

  • Grateful

    I am alive and well and for that I’m grateful . I give thanks to the Lord for His many blessings towards me. For those who remember I started my gratitude jar on the 15th of February.

    Since then, I have realised so many things and achieved so much personally, professionally and socially. Somehow, my jar has more sticky notes but I can honestly tell you, they do not reflect all the things I was meant to have noted. I have become lazy and somewhat forgetful to write them down. Typical, right? It doesn’t please the father, remember the parable of the ten lepers?

    This week I am grateful for a Daddies Girl (DG) who is no longer with us but taught and showed us how to live valiantly and gallantly for the Lord. Yesterday, we had the privilege to attend sister Grace’s beautiful send off. What beautiful testimony of how she touched so many lives with her faith, leading many to Christ. Personally, in the few months that I got to really know her, I learnt so much about faith, being forthright and a woman of integrity. I am grateful to God, for that opportunity I had to watch, listen and learn from her.

    The Bible says ‘how can they know if the gospel is not preached? It goes on to say .. how beautiful are the feet of those who carry the gospel. Our lives are letters that can be read, what messages are we preaching at work, home and our communities?

    Thank you Lord for all that you are to us. Sovereign king, Redeemer and restorer of our lives. β™₯οΈπŸ™πŸ½

  • Diaspora living

    Life in diaspora has meant different things to us as a family. One of the many things we have learnt and embraced is eczema. Yes the severe dry skin. It may sound trivial but this dry skin showed us through our daughter that it can be a menace.

    Our beloved daughter was born with beautiful baby skin, the soft smooth skin that you expect in babies. Four weeks after birth, she woke up one morning covered in flat well spread rash. I didn’t think much of it, continued our bath time routine as usual. Two weeks later, she was crying and scratching her face. Like any diligent mom, I neatly trimmed her nails hoping that would solve the problem. A week went by and whilst breastfeeding, I noted the tiny scratches that she had made onto her face were yellow and crusty.

    By this time I was in second year nurse training, so I quickly indentified that there was infection somewhere. Our GP was amazing in prescribing the topical antibiotics, steroid cream as well to apply into her skin and some moisturising cream for ‘dry’ skin. Indeed within a couple days, we could see a marked improvement. Relived and delighted, we were. After all, it was Christmas by this time and the all important Family Christmas pictures!

    That was the beginning of a very long journey. A journey, we are hoping is taking us somehow remarkable and to a destination. We soon learnt about eczema from our lovely health visitor who had taken an interest on the condition amongst Migrants. Bewildered, overwhelmed and stressed, I read as much as I could about the condition, diagnosis, side effects treatments etc. I researched a lot!

    Both me and hubby had not heard of this ‘terrible’ condition. I prayed, each time I thought about it. I cried every time I read about the bio-psycho-social burden of the disease. I couldn’t understand why and how she had got it. I had kept healthy throughout my pregnancy, if anything, I was a freaky healthy eater. Some friends explained that it was the mackerel fish that I loved so much during pregnancy.

    Anyway, God is faithful, over the years we continued with the moisturing regimen, paying attention to the change of seasons. It was well managed and we didn’t have any problem. As soon as we saw the inflammation of joints, we diligently started the moisturising regimen. This means applying Cetraben ointment 4-5times a day and adding 2% hydrocortisone to the regimen until inflammation is settled. We kept the Cetraben bottles in different rooms in our house especially lounge so we moisturised whilst watching telly.

    Our challenge and testing time came when we moved house. The poor girl then aged 11years old, just woke up on new year’s eve with pitch black lips and eyelids. Initially, we thought she had eaten something that coloured her lips. Within a week, there was an aggressive flare up that got infected and wouldn’t respond effectively to steroids. She scratched the back of her neck and that quick y turned very ugly.

    Severe, oozing skin rash on black neck skin of a 11yr old female
    Skin rash- sensitive image

    It was time to see a dermatologist. What a fight that was to get NHS GP to refer. I fought like a mama bear that I am, was met with a lot of red tape and mis- diagnosis! Mind you I was now a fully qualified health visitor with extensive professional experience of supporting families with babies like mine. I had also become a professional champion for Eczema through the eczema Society.

    Believe it or not, I was the GP liaison health visitor for mY GP Practice, meaning I had professional links with the practice where we met once every month to discuss families registered on the practice with complex history and what support they were receiving as well as safeguarding concerns.

    I am not saying this meaning I needed preferential treatment rather to highlight the barriers families are facing today in our NHS. it takes a lot of will power and advocacy as a parent to be heard by professionals. Please don’t be discouraged and easily dismissed! As a parent, you know your child best, fight for their care.

    Even then, we needed antibiotics, days off school/ work. It was heartbreaking, stressful and frustrating. One Sunday afternoon, I took her to Accident and Emergency Department. I was fed up! Yes we waited 3hrs to be seen. Bloods were taken and thorough history as well as assessment was done. Her Vitamin D was very low πŸ™†πŸ½

    It turns out amongst cat allergens our baby girl had very low vitamin D levels. Since then we take Vitamin D supplements religiously in our house. Rightfully so! These sun pills are good for mental well being, reduces SAD and bone density in both young and old.

    Who knew what the magical African sun meant to us when we were growing up. Now I understand and appreciate why Africans are able to smile through life’s seasons 🌞🌞

    The department of health, recommends that people of African and Asian origin take vitamin D supplements throughout the year. You can buy these from the supermarket, boots or health shops such as holland and barratts. It’s important to follow the dose and stated by the department of health guidelines.

    When the sun is out, enjoy it.

    Resources:

    Vitamin D Guidelines from NHS-UK: https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-and-diet/the-new-guidelines-on-vitamin-d-what-you-need-to-know/

  • Fortitude

    The willingness or ability to go through challenging times with grace. Is it a gift, talent or inborn ability that is sharpened and honed through experience?

    I was privileged to have met and worked with some young women who survived the genocide in Rwanda. Their stories of horror, escape, loss and terror can only be heard once. The impact of their experiences on their bio-psychosocial well being was immense. What was amazing about these women was their willingness and ability to share their story. Very compelling. 

    I also worked with vulnerable families in parts of London. Stories of parents who were hooked on drugs, unable to parent their adorable children confronted me on most days. It was the case of a mother of 3, youngest was same age as my daughter, who had succumbed to the deadly addiction of heroin that broke my heart and I never went back. Their struggle, took the best out of them. Is it these kind of experiences from a distance that make us hold our own with dignity?

    Not privileged to compare or contrast the challenges of life, I look myself in the mirror with admiration. I am a fortiduous woman. Am I comparing myself to the above mentioned women? Not at the least. I have been fortunate, life has been kind and God has been gracious. I have been in the ring and He fought my battles. I’m grateful that I didn’t stay down too long for the referee to whistle a defeat. I could have been that mother, but Mercy spoke into my life and stood on my behalf.

     In my first blog, ‘Transnational parenting’  I explored the issue of postnatal depression. These sort of experiences, you only realise the depth, once you are the other side. Gods grace and love carries us through in those seasons, when we are just a shell being battered to and fro by the sea waves. One becomes a pearl,  a product of admiration and worth through the struggles. What’s amazing is that I was not that aware of His presence and sustainance then. I knew about Him as a God, not friend, helper. That one person I can have a relationship with. He has been gracious on this wonderful journey and I am getting to know Him better.

    Our experiences in life may want to define us at times.  It is up to us how we deal with that.  People around us or those who know us and our story may want to define us that way. Ultimately, the decision lies with you. The woman with the issue of blood in the Bible is one such character. She was associated/ identified with her problem. I guess when she was healed, people had to refer to her as the woman who was healed of the issue blood.


    Fortitude takes many forms. I could never have anticipated or imagined the pain of losing a sibling or loved one. It’s crippling! I was confused and literally dying too. The shock, pain and reality of that loss was incomprehensible. Death is painful to everyone but I guess it gets so complicated when you are abroad. The long flight home, being in transit, jet lag, the mourners and the  funeral itself. How do you eat the reheated airline food when your heart is sorrowful and heavy? 

    When you arrive you succumb to the heat, noises, decision making,  the crying and ofcourse the peering eyes. They will always be those who want to see what you are wearing and what you brought. I had not even taken a shower! Let alone travelled 15hours, passing through the equator in transit for that matter. Nearly missed the flight due to road works and traffic. How does one deal with all that in one go?

    My sister was bright, colourful and vivacious. She loved and understood my family and they got her too. Being single, she could afford the time to be with them whenever we visited home. They loved that, and I did too. The laughter they shared. She cared. She was a dreamer and goal getter. At most, she was a mother to my children  that I am not; patient, laid back and a child at heart.

    Then there is the other small but equally demanding stuff of fitting into a different society and culture. That, requires courage right there. I know a friend who couldn’t do ‘the London thing’ and had to go back home. She tells me she could not be happier; got a beautiful home in the westen suburbs, lovely job and her children are doing really well in a good private school. 
    It takes fortitude and a whole lot more to settle in diaspora. It is a far cry  from the glitz and glamour most people imagine it to be. It’s grafting in gruelling long hours. I’m reminded of the days I worked on the farm. That was my first job. Boy did I not cry my eyes out on the onion line.

    I recall making a long distance call after  first day at work to my mother and bowling on the phone booth. If you recall, these were public phones and there two other people waiting to use the phone.  I cried for the entire duration of my Β£5 worth of calling scratch card. Bless my poor mother, she kept saying to me:

    ‘Taura neni otherwise card rinopera”, meaning please talk to me before the phone credit finishes. 

    Indeed, the phone credit finished and I went home, straight to bed. In the morning I woke up and went to work. What was equally painful was hearing my then 1year old son babbling in the background.

    For me fortitude is an idea and a choice. I choose to be courageous for those who couldn’t. Whilst doing nursing degree I met some middle aged African nurses who had come under the adaption nurses program. These women were dynamic and highly skilled nurses who held positions of authority and high office in their home country. The cultural shift and expectation had left them as a mere pair of helping hands on the wards. Their despair and frustration was not hidden from their faces. It was ‘them’ who silently taught me to be fortidous. It is for them and many others that we stand and are courageous. 

    Above all, it is for those coming after us. Those who have a privilege of watching us closely, that we demonstrate courage in the face of fear. It is for our sons and daughters. 

    πŸ“ŒThe issues of death, loss and bereavement can be crippling especially when you are abroad where you have to get on with it. The reality of expenses incurred to attend the funeral and the funeral itself can be soul destroying. It’s important to seek help, from family and friends if there are physically and emotionally there. In U.K. that’s quite rare, your GP can refer you on for counselling, talking therapies or to charities that deal with bearevement and loss.

    πŸ“ŒThe same can be said of issues at work. Talking to someone about the challenges you are facing is good. This may not solve all your problems but it gives you thinking space. Hearing your own thoughts through voice can be liberating and empowering. Many a times, for those who are Christians, we leave everything in prayer. Prayer is great but it needs to be followed by action which is faith. Finding an independent counselling service is better.  Your union is a great source for advice and guidance, you are paying them, make use of their services.
    In U.K. migrant family support offer great services around the issues discussed. They can be contacted in their website signposted below:

    Life is for living. Live it to the full in good health, mind, body and spirit.

    Finally, be courageous and confident, for the Lord your God is with you always (Joshua 1, summarised).

    Courageous hope ❀
     

    http://migrantfamilysupport.co.uk/