Intentional parenting

Tag: love

  • Dear Sam

    Today marks your 19th year around the sun. What a privilege and honour to witness!

    Here is my birthday letter to you :

    Happy birthday beautiful!

    As I reflect on the incredible person you’ve become, my heart swells with pride and love. Today marks another beautiful year of your life, and I want to take this moment to celebrate the remarkable journey that you are on.

    From the moment you came into this world, you brought immeasurable joy and purpose into my life. Your laughter has been my symphony, your accomplishments my pride, and your spirit my inspiration. I love your convictions and the lenses that you view the world. Your voice and opinion is so needed in this generation. You are intelligent, joyful and incredibly grounded. A great friend to many! Watching you grow into the compassionate, intelligent, and strong individual that you are has been the greatest gift I could have ever received.

    As you embrace this new chapter in your life, remember that your potential knows no bounds. You have an extraordinary light within you that radiates kindness and resilience. Keep chasing your dreams fearlessly, and know that I will always be here to support and guide you through every step of your journey. Thank you for ALL the lessons I am learning as I watch you grow. May you never stop being YOU!

    May all your gifts and talents make room for you my daughter! Your hands are incredibly blessed, that much you know. Use them as often as life allows you. Your culinary skills are commendable and worth of mentioning. Keep at it. Your sharp, critical mind will take you far, keep feeding and watering it.

    May this birthday be filled with laughter, cherished moments, and an abundance of love. Never forget how cherished and adored you are, not just today, but every single day. You and your brother are my greatest joy, and I am endlessly grateful for the privilege of being your madre

    With all my love and warmest wishes,

    Yours forever

    mum xx

  • Summer 2023

    Join us for an epic summer as we look to have fun with our families. The activities we have chosen are either FREE or cheap to do over the 6 weeks break.

    These are some of the activities we are encouraging you to do with your families. What do you think?

    More easy to do activities as well. Share with your children. Let them identify the things they would like to do.

    Our challenge to ALL our families this summer 2023, is for you to visit your local MUSEUM and WOODLAND. Our research shows that black families rarely visit these places. That may be different for you and your family and that is good. For the rest, during this 6week school break, let’s visit our local museum, parks, woodlands, walking trails etc. Most of them are free and may have subsidied activities for children of different age groups.

    When you have visited the Museum, or Park, tag us in your photos with #intentionalparenting #IPsummer23

    We also would like you to visit your local woodland. Did you know that only 1% of visitors to UK national parks are from Black, Asian or ethnic minority backgrounds according to the research here.

    More walking trails and ideas here as well.

    For a bonus week, how about a visit to a farm? Check Odd farm here. You can check your local area for farms where you can visit.

    Or even better this AMAZING and super packed FREE activities in Milton Keynes!

    Most of the activities at the Milton Keynes Festival you need to book tickets, so use think link here

    OPERA!

    Have you been to see an opera with your child/ ren? Again this is another activity where black families are usually under represented. Yes opera’s and theatre can be expensive sometimes. Below is a very good offer that families can take… Let us know if you will be going to theatre/ Opera this summer.

    The offer is here

    And we have gone further afield with incredible deals and affordable day outs. Check out these places. First is this amazing paradise with everything to cater for every child hobbledown heath. If you are near Northamptonshire, a visit to stanwick lakes especially on a hot summers day (when the weather decides to play ball) will be great fun. Check them out as well!

    In Windsor there is this incredible park as well.

    How about an EPIC summer camping? Check this event here . This is packed with amazing activities for all ages and it’s in Kent! Let us know if you will be attending.

    This 👆🏾programme is a GAME CHANGER for all 16-18year olds! Look out for their summer program next year and be sure to involve your teen. Click here for more details

    To participate in this SIX weeks summer challenge, join our whatsapp group running from 24th of July to 4th of September. This will be a place to encourage, inspire one another and also share further ideas. Let’s kill the ‘I am bored mantra’ by being prepared and organised parents. Here is to Summer 2023!!

    Link to join us via here whatsapp

    Subscribe to our mailing list below so you are kept up to date with activities and events that we are up to:

  • Diaspora diaries: My children and their education-supporting exam time.

    Webinar

    Below are the tips we shared on supporting your children.

    God has called us into a *living* relationship with Him and those around us especially our families, children in particular.

    By investing time, we are able to be effective in supporting their journey into their growth.

    – Loving them despite and beyond the grades is key.

    – Love propels us to invest time in prayer for them.

    – Supporting them with their studies throughout the year is more important than exam day.

    – Speak to their teachers, be involved at school.

    – For most of us, the education system is a whole new experience. Seek to learn from others, ask questions, be open and willing to learn.

    – Let’s be sensitive and empathetic towards other parents who may seem to be struggling at school.

    –

    Here are seven effective strategies:

    1. Create a Study-Friendly Environment

    •Why: A quiet, organized space helps concentration and reduces distractions.

    •How:

    • Dedicate a specific area for studying, free from noise and clutter.

    • Provide good lighting, comfortable seating, and necessary stationery.

    • Encourage short, focused study sessions using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of break).

    2. Establish a Study Routine

    •Why: A consistent routine reduces anxiety and builds productive habits.

    •How:

    • Work together to create a realistic revision timetable, balancing core subjects and weaker areas.

    • Include regular breaks and time for relaxation to prevent burnout.

    • Monitor progress and adjust the plan if needed.

    3. Manage Phone and Social Media Usage

    •Why: Phones and social media can be major distractions during study time.

    •How:

    • Agree on “phone-free” study times and use apps like Forest or Focus Booster to block distractions.

    • Designate times for social media use, ideally during breaks or after study sessions.

    • Lead by example by minimizing your own screen time during family hours.

    4. Encourage a Balanced Lifestyle

    •Why: Physical activity, sleep, and a healthy diet improve focus and reduce stress.

    •How:

    • Promote regular exercise, such as walks, yoga, or sports.

    • Ensure they get 8-9 hours of sleep each night by setting consistent bedtimes.

    • Provide nutritious meals and encourage hydration, avoiding excess caffeine or sugary snacks.

    5. Offer Emotional Support

    •Why: GCSEs can be stressful, and children need to feel supported and understood.

    •How:

    • Listen to their concerns without judgment and offer reassurance.

    • Avoid comparing them to peers or siblings.

    • Celebrate small achievements to boost their confidence and motivation.

    6. Encourage Active Revision Techniques

    •Why: Passive studying is less effective than active learning.

    •How:

    • Suggest methods like mind maps, flashcards, practice exams, and teaching concepts to others.

    • Use online resources, such as GCSEPod, BBC Bitesize, or Seneca Learning, to diversify study approaches.

    • Discuss difficult topics together to help them articulate their understanding.

    7. Model a Growth Mindset

    •Why: A positive attitude can reduce anxiety and encourage perseverance.

    •How:

    • Emphasize effort over results: “It’s about doing your best, not being perfect.”

    • Share examples from your own life where persistence led to improvement.

    • Remind them that setbacks are learning opportunities, not failures.

    Bonus Tip: Stay Involved

    Regularly check in on their progress and well-being without micromanaging. Balance support with independence to build their confidence in managing their responsibilities.

  • Diaspora parenting

    Parenting is the most challenging and yet incredibly rewarding role that one will ever take. If you are a parent you will probably agree with me. Here i’m sharing 5tips from my upcoming book
    “Raising Fa: Surviving parenting in Diaspora”
    In this book I share on what has worked for me as a mom and I what I have learnt through my role as a public health nurse working with families in UK community as well as a safeguarding children’s nurse. Both roles have fundamental understanding of child development theories, family dynamics and the impact of environmental/societal factors on the development of a child.
    PARENTING TIPS:
    1– Partnering with God. For me this remains the best decision I made as a mom. In all circumstances, I have turned to God to help me as a mom and also help my children at whatever stage they are. By partnering with Him, it lessened the burden as when challenging times came, I looked and literally took my burden to His feet. I will share more on my next blog on how to lay at feet in prayer, interceding for our children. In that blog I will share tips such as praying for your child in their bedroom, playing worship songs continuously in their rooms etc
    2— Pray, pray, pray. Pray in faith concerning your children. Dare to believe God for the promises He says concerning your children. My favourite is “All our children shall be taught of the lord and great shall be their peace” Isaiah 54:13 O the price of peace!! That’s the greatest gift I could give my children. That they may know His peace that transcends all understanding. The bible says pray at all times and in all manner. If it bothers you, pray about it, philipians 4:6
    3—- Time is money, valuable and is precious! How true with our children! Give them the gift of your time. Let them know how much they mean to you. Drop everything and be with them. It’s the best investment one could ever make, it gives in returns. Imagine a romantic relationship with someone who can never prioritise you but gives you the leftovers all the time. It is the same with our children. Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
    Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
    4—Be equipped, learn how to be a parent. A lot of us feel we can just do it, maybe. My personal experience by not being equipped I made a lot of mistakes and now I am trying to rectify these especially with our first. Both my pregnancies were unplanned. Back home, when the community helped to raise a child, it was easier and doable. A lot of the older women were great teachers in informal education. Fast forward in the diaspora, that community is not there. Older women are around but busy and scarce.
    Parenting classes then become fundamental for a parent who wants to get it right. Local children centres offer bite size parenting courses, churches and charities as well as independent consultants offer parenting courses. Online courses are also available that are affordable and easily accessible. Society will not let you get on the road without a licence but it is ok to raise a human being on trial and error. Think about it.
    5—-In managing behaviours, use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
    Help your child learn to express how s/he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you upset?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way.”
    Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them.
    Above all remember to be kind to your yourself and remain hopeful. Some days are harder and some seasons are even challenging. The truth of the matter is that, it WILL come to pass. Take deep breaths, drink your water and try and get some rest. Sleep enough hours to build resilience so you can continue on the journey.
    Would love to hear how you are getting on in your parenting journey. Drop us a comment, like. Share the message of hope and let other parents know we can do it.
    Till next time,
    Remain intentional 🌱
    Love
    Fadzai x
    💕🙏🏽

  • Hey Q

    Prayer for my son on your birthday


    Becoming your mama was and continues to be my greatest legacy. Growing together has been exhilarating, exciting and challenging at most times. Can’t wait for what the future holds. Intentional parenting is you son. Thank you for the many lessons learnt that I get to share with other parents. Thank you for your patience as I continually learn how to mother you better. Thank you for your understanding that at most times, I am winging it with you. Thank you for the grace you extend when I am able to get it right with your sister. I love being your mama.
    So today on your birthday I pray that you continually know who you are in God’s eyes. I pray that your light will shine brighter before your generation. I pray that you never have to doubt yourself, second guess Gods purpose and capabilities that are in you. I pray that you will continue to rest in the love we have for you as your parents. I ask God to lead and guide you all the days of your life. Above all I pray that you will walk in Gods purpose, utilising all the gifts and talents that God has given you. I pray for your friends who are your greatest social capita, that they would love you sincerely, be there for you faithfully and that they would encourage you in all things. Quinton, I pray that in all things you will allow your faith to speak louder than your fears.

    Thank you for being an exceptional man of God. A man of integrity and honour. Your diligence and fortitude is admirable. Your mind is beautiful son. I am deeply honoured to not only love but raise you. I promise to continuously learn and dedicate my life to being your steward and Gods servant into your life.

    Love you always MaiQ.

  • Brethren

    Stumbled upon this verse and I have to admit, I was astounded!

    Astounded maybe because of my inadequacies, my flawed inability to stand long enough together with fellow bethren to see their prayers answered. Yet the Lord commands us to ‘stand together UNTIL”.

    When was the last time you stood in faith with someone for those things that He answered in your own life?

    #purpose

    #bethrenhood 🙏🏽❤

  • Love

    12.10.2021

    God loves you and me just as we are. Today He beckons us to receive this undiluted love. Love that is unconditional, pure and sacrificial.
    Would you recieve it?

    It is out of this overflow that we are able to share it with others.

    Father, move in me. Cleanse and purify my heart from things that easily stops me from receiving from you.
    I lay down my past hurts, disappointments, heartbreaks and frustrations . I open myself fully to receiving that which You have for me.
    Let your love flow through my veins.
    The love that is kind, patient, hopeful, faithful led and forgiving. The love that suffers long and endures all things. Remove every lie of the enemy and the lies that I have told myself. The expectations of men, society and the world.

    Today I walk in the newness of Your love. Your perfect love that is silencing very fear worry and anxiety in my life. Amen

    Receive His love anew today. Let it flow through you.

    Remain blessed and loved ❤️

  • Hey Fa,

    Saturday musings

    There are more messy entries which I shall share, once permission is granted 🤣😎

    Loved this hence I am sharing with you🤣. Stumbled upon this journal entry whilst tidying the bedrooms. I have never been called Fadzai before so this a WHOLE new level for my cherub. This entire entry has been revelatory for me today 😍.

    Can I let you in onto something? I have struggled with the whole parenting shindig. Intentional Parenting exists in my bid to share all my pitfalls and blind spots so YOU do not have to. Once in a while I come across evidence such as this 👆🏾, that reminds me that I do get some things RIGHT. Giving notebooks and stationery gifts to my children has been powerful over the years.

    This is a journal entry in 2020 from one of my precious jewels. The global pandemic was in full swing and emotions were raging all over the place in the Nyirenda household. We had the exhausted parents from working in healthcare and then the young adults overwhelmed and literally STUCK at home. It was a mess.

    In a bid to get some control, sanity and maintain a level of mental wellness, phones were confiscated and that’s how we ended up here.

    To see this entry today 2.4.22, warms my heart to a certain extent. Many a times the decisions we make as parents can be painful as we are not 💯 sure wether we are doing the right thing. And to be honest, there will never be a time you are 💯 sure

    Whatever decision you need to make for your family , your children especially, trust your GUT. Utilise the research evidence you have at hand about that particular decision. Ask God to help you and find out from His word what you need to do. Reach out to other TRUSTED parents in confidence.

    “Effective, intentional parenting isn’t a two people band. Don’t let anyone lie to you. BUILD a community around you to help, you need it.”

    Fadzai

    Back to your decision making; What’s the worst that can happen?

    That’s one of the questions I ask myself when I need to make an important decision and work my work back to mitigate that WORST thing that can happen.

    Take for instance, confiscating the phone from your teen. What’s the worst that can happen?

    -S/he may hate you

    -She may get another dodgy phone from someone else.

    -S/he may get social media withdrawal symptoms; depressed/ angry/ upset etc

    -S/he may struggle to reach you in an emergency etc.

    You explore all this and plan effectively.

    The key and most important question is;

    What am I trying to do in my parenting??

    For me, I am raising the future . I want to honour God in my parenting. I want to raise independent, secure citizens. All this informs my parenting style, commitment and VISION.

    Note books are good for putting your thoughts on paper. This is a very useful strategy to use especially with teens who sometimes may struggle to express themselves.

    Do you use notebooks, do you write letters to your child/ren, partner or yourself?

    If you haven’t tried it, give a go and let me know…

    For those who practice this, how is this working? Let me know in comments below,…

    Remain blessed and anchored 🌱

    Every blessing.

    Fadzai

  • Hey mama,

    Hey mama, how have you been? You have been on my mind. I am writing this just to encourage someone who may be saying, I don’t have much to give as far as motherhood is concerned. I am tired, weary, overwhelmed, on my own, financially distressed etc. Here is an encouragement for you. God sees your heart and your desires. Offer those to Him.

    Let Him carry the weight of motherhood and parenting. His shoulders are broader and His feet steady. Trust Him with the load and allow His rest to give you peace.

    Praying for our families especially children is a gift that we give. The Bible says the ‘FERVENT’ prayer of the righteous availeth much (James 5:16 summarised). In another version it reads:

    “tremendous power is released through the passionate, heartfelt prayer of a godly believer!”
    ‭‭James (Jacob)‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭TPT‬‬

    I do not think there is anyone who can be as FERVENT as a mum in her desires for her child/ren. May be biased but hey… 😝

    Pray however suits you. Pray the WORD over your situation/ circumstance and family. Believe and have confidence in your prayers.

    We are continuing with the 6am prayers. For me they have been a source of strength, encouragement and commitment in actively praying for my family and especially myself. I believe it is out of the abundance of what we have that we are able to impact our children. You can’t give what you do not have right?

    Here is my prayer for you:.

    May you know Gods grace and love in such a tangible and profound way. May His peace be in your homes. May you love and love well 💕

    Let us know how we can pray for you https://intentionalparenting.blog/contact/

    If you care to join the 6am GMT prayers, via zoom, link is below:

    https://us02web.zoom.us/j/6335913172?pwd=MnNlNGhIK0M3TVRWSVliY1ZIeEVtUT09
    Meeting ID: 633 591 3172
    Passcode: prayer

    Till then, remain fervent 🌿

  • Dear parent

    Saw this on facebook and had to share. While it’s advise to people with young children, it’s a reminder to us all of how quick time flies and that one day our little babies too will be all grown up.

    When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parenting….the struggles of a baby waking in the night,
    the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sports…

    Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches….

    You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning….and try to soak in the magic of those moments.

    You coach them in sports, rushing to practices and ballgames…and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they love…no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

    Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like.

    In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.

    You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long time….

    Then suddenly hours turn into days…days into months…and months into years.

    That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons…suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.

    And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home….gets filled with silence and solitude.

    You’ve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect them….but have no clue how the whole “letting go” thing is supposed to work.

    So you hold on as tight as you can…wondering how time passed so quickly…feeling guilty that you missed something….

    Because even though you had 20 years…..it just somehow doesn’t seem like it was enough.

    You ask yourself so many questions…

    Did you teach them the right lessons?
    Did you read them enough books as a child?
    Spend enough time playing with them?
    How many school parties did you have to miss?
    Do they really know how much you love them?
    What could I have done better as a parent?

    …..When it’s time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.

    And all you can do is pray….hope….and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.

    Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life….that at times leaves you exhilarated….while others leave you heartbroken.

    But one thing is certain…..it’s never enough time…💕

    So for all the parents with young children…whose days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness…
    Exhausted day in and day out…

    Soak. It. All. In.

    Because one day….all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinners…

    All come to an end.

    And you’re left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wings….

    They’ll fly…💕💕