Intentional parenting

Tag: journey

  • Fruit of the Spirit

    At intentional parenting we run a 6am club where we share the WORD and encourage one another to walk in its TRUTH, demonstrating the love of God to those near and dear to us. One of the ways we do this is through studying the books of the Bible. This October, November and December we are in the book of Colossians.

    We are continuing reading and praying through the book of colossians. As Christian parents we are encouraged to live a life that honours God, in our conduct and actions with our children.


    Below is an inventory I have drafted taken from the fruits of the spirit scripture in Galatians 5:22. These fruits demonstrate to us as Christian parents that we are in union with the Spirit.

    I am inviting you to take stock/ inventory. Of these fruits which ones are you strong in? Which ones do you need to develop some stamina?

    You may find that there are seasons and moments when you are able to demonstrate these. Reflect on those seasons, what is happening? Why do you think you are able to be kind, patient and loving to your children sometimes and struggle in others? Jot these down under notes section.

    Below are tips/ways to develop and cultivate these qualities in your life:

    1. Prayer and Reflection: Regularly pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance in developing these virtues. Reflect on your actions and attitudes in light of the fruit of the Spirit. Have someone hold you accountable to your growth.
    2. Study Scripture: Delve into the Bible to understand the teachings and examples that embody the fruit of the Spirit. Seek wisdom from scripture to apply these principles in your daily life. The Intentional Parenting monthly bible study through the 6am club will help you with this. You can join the whatsapp group via this link
    3. Embrace Love: Actively practice love by showing kindness, forgiveness, and empathy toward others especially your children. Love is foundational to the other fruits of the Spirit. Demonstrate this with your children. Let the sisterhood of faith hold you accountable in walking in love. Love compels us to look out for each other in prayer, sharing of tips/ knowledge and ideas. Join our facebook community via think facebook page
    4. Cultivate Joy: Focus on gratitude and find joy in your relationship with God. Choose to rejoice in both good and challenging circumstances, trusting in God’s plan. The gratitude jar is also a wonderful concept. Have you tried it before?
    5. Pursue Peace: Strive to be a peacemaker in your relationships with your children. Seek resolution rather than conflict and trust God’s peace to guide your decisions. Apologise to your children when you have gotten things wrong.
    6. Exercise Patience: Develop patience by understanding that God’s timing may differ from your own. Exercise restraint in difficult situations and trust God’s plan to unfold.
    7. Practice Kindness and Goodness: Actively look for opportunities to be kind and do good to others. Let your actions reflect the kindness and goodness that God has shown you. Extend this to your children. Our whatsapp and networking community offers opportunity to interact and grow with other mothers, giving you a safe space to grow.
    8. Be Faithful: Demonstrate faithfulness by staying committed to your relationship with God, your promises, and your responsibilities. Trust in God’s faithfulness as your example. I cannot over emphasise this. There is such a rise in social isolation in our generation as people develop mis-trusting relationships. As parents of faith, loving and fellowshipping with other believers is highly commended. We believe and strive to do that in our pursuit of intentionalparenting.Why don’t you join us at the next networking event. Join our Facebook page to kept up to date
    9. Cultivate Gentleness: Approach others with gentleness and humility. Avoid harsh judgment and strive to understand different perspectives.
    10. Exercise Self-Control: Practice self-discipline in your thoughts, actions, and emotions. Seek the Holy Spirit’s help to overcome temptations and cultivate self-control.

    Remember that developing the fruit of the Spirit is a lifelong process. Continually seek God’s guidance and rely on His strength to grow in these virtues, knowing that it’s through a relationship with Him that these qualities can flourish in your life.

    Remain intentional 🌱

  • Day 12 Affirmations challenge

    In todays challenge we are reminding our children that ‘You mean a lot to our family’. It’s important these words are meaningful and substantiated by actions. Would your children agree that they feel special and mean a lot? What are the things and actions that demonstrate that?

    Below are tips that you can apply to demonstrate to your child that s/he is important.

    1. Active Listening: Pay full attention when your child speaks. Show that their thoughts and feelings matter by actively engaging in conversations. Make an effort not to use the phone or screens.
    2. Quality Time: Dedicate focused, quality time to spend with your child regularly. This reinforces the importance of your relationship in their life. This could be dinner time, school run time. Normalise having connecting time with no distractions. Some parents enjoy having 1:1 dates and it does not have to be expensive.. coffee dates, etc
    3. Celebrating Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, whether big or small. This reinforces their value and accomplishments. You can cook their favourite meal if they have been helpful in the week. Be clear what you are celebrating and refrain from celebrating academic achievement ONLY. Celebrate other virtues such as being kind, helpful, thoughtful etc.
    4. Personalized Attention: Provide individualized attention, addressing their unique needs and interests. This demonstrates that you understand and appreciate their individuality. Spend 1:1 time with your child doing the things they love.
    5. Express Affection: Regularly express affection through hugs, kisses, and verbal affirmations. Physical and verbal expressions of love emphasize their importance to you. You may not be comfortable with this if you did not grow up doing this, I would encourage you to lean onto your discomfort. You can start by hugging your child on specific times, eg when they leave home for school, when they come home, when you meet after a period of separation. You then build it up by cuddling them when on the couch together watching tv and so forth. Hugs and physical touch are good for us, they lower heart rate and blood pressure.
    6. Attend Events: Attend your child’s school events, performances, and activities. Your presence at these events communicates your active involvement and support. Negotiate with your employer so that you can attend key events and if you cannot, explain to your child in a way that they understand.
    7. Encourage Communication: Create an open and encouraging environment for your child to share their thoughts and concerns. Make it clear that their voice is heard and respected.
    8. Prioritise Safety: Ensuring your child’s safety is a tangible way of demonstrating their importance. Establishing a secure environment fosters trust and a sense of significance.
    9. Routine Check-Ins: Regularly check in with your child about their day, experiences, and feelings. It shows that you are genuinely interested in their well-being. Again the kitchen/ dining table is key for these discussions. For working parents, you can schedule a face time or video/ phone call to check on.
    10. Involve Them in Decision-Making: Include your child in age-appropriate decision-making processes. It empowers them and emphasizes that their input matters.
    11. Celebrate Special Days: Make a big deal out of their birthdays and other special occasions. Creating memorable experiences on these days reinforces their significance in your life.
    12. Create Traditions: Establish family traditions that involve your child. These can be simple routines or special activities that contribute to a sense of belonging.
    13. Display Their Artwork: Proudly showcase your child’s artwork or creations. This demonstrates that their efforts and creativity are valued. Let them know how proud you are of their creativity.
    14. Share Stories: Share stories about their childhood or family history. It fosters a sense of identity and importance in the family narrative. How about a family tree event. Talk about your own childhood. What did you enjoy the most? Who were the important people in your life . Why did you migrate?
    15. Encourage Individual Goals: Support and encourage your child in pursuing their personal goals and interests. It communicates that you believe in their potential.
    16. Celebrate Uniqueness: Embrace and celebrate the unique qualities and talents of your child. This reinforces that they are valued for who they are.
    17. Be Reliable: Be a reliable and consistent presence in your child’s life. Dependability creates a sense of security and importance.
    18. Apologize When Necessary: Acknowledge and apologize if you make a mistake. This teaches your child that their feelings and perspectives are respected.
    19. Listen Without Judgment: Create a non-judgmental space where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences without fear of criticism.
    20. Offer Encouragement: Provide regular words of encouragement. Positive reinforcement reinforces their self-worth and importance. The affirmations challenge is key here to support those. More details on this

    Remember, it’s the combination of these actions that truly conveys to your child that they are cherished and important in your life.

    For more information, on upcoming masterclass and vision board workshop, do join the facebook page to be kept up to date.

    For parenting support, contact Fadzai via this link

    Remain intentional 🌱

  • Hey Mama

    To all mums, are you checking in with your #momfriends?

    Let’s normalise having these deep conversations. If this is your first time seeing our #intentionalcheckin, is this something you will be able to do with your community/ support network/ village?

    One of the challenges of modern day parenting is social isolation. Yes we may have so many followers/ fans, be in so many social media groups be it whatsapp/ facebook, threads, you name it.

    Yet we feel so alone!

    Developing those meaningful relationships becomes key as we seek to thrive in this parenting game. You may argue that ‘me I do not need anyone apart from my children or husband’

    What about your children? How are you teaching/ showing them the power of community and positive network?

    ‘Your children are watching and learning from you on how to live. Inspire them’

    Wilferd Peterson

    My observations and personal experiences is that you only need 2 or 3 people that you connect with at this level of doing this proper check in. People you can HONESTLY tell about the exciting and challenging things in your life.

    If you have 1 or 2 people you trust, invest in those relationships. Diarise those catch ups and honour them because life is very busy especially as parents.

    Depending with the ages of your children
    , you can use this as family check in as well. Why don’t you give it ago. Try at dinner time to check in with everyone..

    Number 4 is also very important, that questions is often underplayed yet a game changer.

    If you are not able to find practical help, in so many other ways, PRAY, Listen, signpost.

    We all can help.

    If you would like to discuss #momfriendship, need some ideas, support, signpostage,… book a confidential 1:1 consultation here

    May be you need someone to pray with you over this issue… do reach out via the consultation line on link here

    Here is to thriving and flourishing in parenting.

    Yours in the trenches with you

    Fadzai x

  • Brethren

    Stumbled upon this verse and I have to admit, I was astounded!

    Astounded maybe because of my inadequacies, my flawed inability to stand long enough together with fellow bethren to see their prayers answered. Yet the Lord commands us to ‘stand together UNTIL”.

    When was the last time you stood in faith with someone for those things that He answered in your own life?

    #purpose

    #bethrenhood 🙏🏽❤

  • Flourish

    This was our Word for the month of September 2019. Back then, I had received 3 indoor plants in one month. I began to sense that there was a deeper meaning to the random gifts friends gave me.

    I am in no way, shape or form good with plants. One friend said ‘ the more reason why I am gifting you plants’. Talk of being stretched 😂

    I struggled with a particular plant a bit and had to run back to the giver. She advised me to CAREFULLY trim the dead parts of the leaf, feed the plants organic home food and watch. The organic home fertiliser comprised of overnight soaked banana peels, egg shells and tea bag.

    To my amazement, the plant started to thrive.

    Rejoice

    This was my latest gift, Rejoice and I loved her!

    I felt the law of seeding and harvesting was at work in that season. Seeding, weeding, nurturing and tending to plants requires careful attention as well as commitment. The harvest is bountiful to those who will do the work right?

    “Lord strengthen my hands in place of hard labour(parenting). Help me not to shrink back or give up. Allow my entrusted plants (children) to flourish through careful considerations.”

    Isn’t it amazing that this plant analogy also translates to our role as parents! Many of us we are not confident in this area. We are not sure what fertiliser to apply, how much moisture and where to place the plant so it can thrive and blossom. All this guesswork and stress levels 🤣🤣.

    What I have found to be useful is having that trustworthy and well informed friend. Remember that passionate green fingered friend of mine forever gifting plants? Yes, her! Each time I visit her house she has got this new plant, that other plant and they are ALL blossoming. Interestingly, she tells me that she reads a lot about these plants before she buys them. She is careful to follow instructions around watering, plant feed and placement. She chuckles every time I tell her the plant she gifted me has died..

    While google is available to all of us, my understanding, patience and interests are clearly not strong in plants. Despite my desire and keenness to have an instagram inspired green house of a living room, it just isn’t happening!

    l

    My friend do not shy away from asking. Asking trusted friends to show, guide and lead m. Reach out to others who can help.

    The upcoming intentional parenting Masterclass , is a 6 weeks online crash course on being the effective parent leader that you want to be. More details following soon. There is tons of information available out there, sometimes too much and too overwhelming. Where does one even start to look and who are trusted and qualified people to help?

    Intentional parenting stands as a TRUSTED friend who understands some of the complexities and challenges that come with raising children in diaspora. Our strategies are informed by research evidence as well as personal experiences.

    We look forward to seeing you FLOURISH in your journey as a parent.

    To find out more, get in touch here, via our contact page.

    Remain in bloom 🌷

    Fadzai x

  • Dear parent

    Saw this on facebook and had to share. While it’s advise to people with young children, it’s a reminder to us all of how quick time flies and that one day our little babies too will be all grown up.

    When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parenting….the struggles of a baby waking in the night,
    the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sports…

    Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches….

    You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning….and try to soak in the magic of those moments.

    You coach them in sports, rushing to practices and ballgames…and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they love…no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

    Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like.

    In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.

    You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long time….

    Then suddenly hours turn into days…days into months…and months into years.

    That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons…suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.

    And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home….gets filled with silence and solitude.

    You’ve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect them….but have no clue how the whole “letting go” thing is supposed to work.

    So you hold on as tight as you can…wondering how time passed so quickly…feeling guilty that you missed something….

    Because even though you had 20 years…..it just somehow doesn’t seem like it was enough.

    You ask yourself so many questions…

    Did you teach them the right lessons?
    Did you read them enough books as a child?
    Spend enough time playing with them?
    How many school parties did you have to miss?
    Do they really know how much you love them?
    What could I have done better as a parent?

    …..When it’s time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.

    And all you can do is pray….hope….and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.

    Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life….that at times leaves you exhilarated….while others leave you heartbroken.

    But one thing is certain…..it’s never enough time…💕

    So for all the parents with young children…whose days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness…
    Exhausted day in and day out…

    Soak. It. All. In.

    Because one day….all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinners…

    All come to an end.

    And you’re left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wings….

    They’ll fly…💕💕

  • Parenting strategies

    www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/remember-good-times-with-your-kids/

    P

  • Purpose

    Day 5-

    A story is told of a woman who poured out a bottle of very expensive perfume on Jesus and went on to wipe his feet with her beautiful hair. Those who were with Jesus, his friends are said to have been flabbergasted, angry and disappointed with both Jesus and this woman. This woman was not meant to be around Jesus, she was a sinner and a woman. At the time men and women didn’t mingle together. Most importantly, they felt she was incredibly thoughtless in wasting the expensive perfume.

    -In our journey as wives, mothers, friends, colleagues, some of our actions will not make sense.

    -There is a point in our journey that our purpose becomes very clear. Don’t be persuaded otherwise.

    Today I pray that when that time comes, it finds you ready to break the barriers and cynicism that life throws at you. I pray that you will not pay attention to nay sayers but do what feels right to you. I pray that you will give yourself fully to that purpose.

    🙏🏽♥️

  • The woman in me

    Woke up today feeling rather exhausted. It’s been a month since I started my new job. Reality has since set in and I have found myself busier than anticipated. That certainly has had a knock on effect on my mental and emotional health.  The English weather and the commute has not helped. The train commute isn’t bad, it’s the driving through packed, smokey and hot London tarmac roads that does my head in. For sanity’s sake I will not mention the parking.

    The weather tops it all for me. The need to be comfortable and practical is a must. However, the English weather remains unpredictable. You never know when it is going to rain or whether the sunny spell will last the 12hours whilst you are at work. It is hard. One has to think about what to wear and how that can adapt to the weather too. It’s a problem I had anticipated hence I chose a uniform. If you have read my previous blog on the day before the new job, I bought some lovely, comfortable navy blue slacks to wear with plain white t shirts and pumps. Well, today I decided otherwise as it was going to be warm. Besides, my daughter had decided to wear my t-shirts at home 🤣. 

    Feeling rather unmotivated and wanting to get into the office early for a busy day ahead, I just grabbed the clean and cotton dress that I could find. It’s the African ankara dress mama got tailor made for me. It fits well and that’s all I needed so I could catch the earlier train. Thankfully, I made it after sprinting a good 5mins! The joys of commuting, I keep telling myself, you are getting fit girl!🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️

    Anyway, I walk into work and I get lots of compliments on this particular dress. I get lots of nods and smiles from ‘sisters’ with a look of approval. It dawns on me that the dress is making a statement that I had not perceived before. When I walked into the office, colleagues exclaimed how they like my dress. I chuckle to myself and just smile. Comments are made with the British niceness and political correctness that I have become familiar with but still unsettling.

    The dress is addressing my identity and all that I represent. Someone remarked that the dress has made them feel homesick, as I reminded them of where they come from. Amazing how a piece of clothing can conjure so many emotions at all levels. Then there is the senior colleagues I met in the corridors with the look of ‘wow’. That’s me there affirmed! The beauty of working with a very diverse community is that you find your sisterhood.  These are the women who identify with you and what you are all about. These are women who have walked your journey or are on the same path with you.  Your stories, struggles and strength are entwined and become the given. Your journey is easily understood without having to explain yourself.

    Today I didn’t  wake up, wanting to draw attention to myself, I didn’t feel that way at all. However, I’m glad that the day turned out the way it did. For the rest of the day, I had a spring in my step and a conviction in my heart that I will get there. There, for me, is a place of effectiveness and relevance. 

    The dress reminded me that it’s not so bad after all. I am African. I am a strong African woman. The dress allowed me to have small talk with a few more people than before. This dress addresses the woman in me, a woman on a Journey. 


    That has been the highlight of my day! 

    Hopeful ❤

     

  • The blessing that makes one rich and adds no sorrow ❤

    What a privilege it is to wake up to God’s promises!

    I was looking through the photos and came across this family photo that was taken last August 2016 in Copenhagen. It melted my heart. God has been good and gracious to us.


    It has not always been like this. As a family, we have had our share of ups and downs, we have struggled as well as felt overwhelmed. We have also felt like giving up on each other as a couple as well as sending our children to be with grandparents in Zimbabwe.

    Life is challenging, family life is complex. For us parenting in diaspora made the whole mix extremely complex. The lack of social support and extended family makes it challenging. Our expectations for each other and our children change and keep on changing. That’s growth right?

    Growth is a great thing as long as you do it together as a family. It’s very easy to grow apart especially here in UK due to work patterns and economic demands coupled by Black Tax. As our children have grown, we have decided to be an INTENTIONAL couple. We normally have a scheduled time daily, no phones and just us 2, to catch up on each other. I have taken working hours that are more family friendly as well so I can be home with the kids. It takes sacrifice and communicating your vision to each other as a family and to the wider extended family circles. Happy couples make great parents.

    The greatest thing we did is, we decided to partner with God. We realised we just couldn’t make it on our own. There is so much peace that one has when you handover something to someone else, it becomes their issue and agenda.

    I remember when our amazing daughter was born. It was hubby’s first hand experience of looking after a baby all by himself.  Our wonderful son was born in Zim with all the help from extended family and nannies. The first day I left the three of them, I cried all the way to the nursing placement. I was worried about how hubby would cope with the baby as he was working  nights as well. We had decided that I would stay on the nursing course despite all health and safety issues from University and Occupational health. Indeed, I went to Uni on a Friday and gave birth on the Sunday.  Being on 3year student visa, we didn’t want to jeopardise that. I returned to placement when baby was only two weeks old. Those are the unspoken sacrifices that migrants make due to government policies. Those who have experienced Home office service, beaurocracy and the extortius fees know what I mean.

    No words can describe what a blessing our daughter is, incredibly strong willed, feisty, loving, caring, smart and definitely a daddy’s girl. I learnt to be focused and strategic as a mum of 2 and mature student. Since giving birth, all my assignments were completed with A grades. I couldn’t afford to fail. That was followed by passing my much needed driving lessons. i had to learn to drive and learn FAST as I was catching 3 buses to and from Uni!

    God promises us that He cares and loves our families more than anything. That is the confidence we have.

    It takes a lot of faith and trust to believe and see the promises of God come to pass. Many a times, things may seem to get worse before they get better. As a family, we are encouraged by some of our answered prayers. We also know some families personally, who are walking in Gods promises and that inspires us. We continue to hope and trust in Him. The verse below summarises our mission as a family. Looking to the Lord for help always. We love the assurance in “never”, what a promise!!

    “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame”. ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    This is our journey, hope you have been inspired. Would love to hear how your journey as a family is panning out.

    Be hopeful, always ❤