Intentional parenting

Tag: hope

  • Grateful

    I am alive and well and for that I’m grateful . I give thanks to the Lord for His many blessings towards me. For those who remember I started my gratitude jar on the 15th of February.

    Since then, I have realised so many things and achieved so much personally, professionally and socially. Somehow, my jar has more sticky notes but I can honestly tell you, they do not reflect all the things I was meant to have noted. I have become lazy and somewhat forgetful to write them down. Typical, right? It doesn’t please the father, remember the parable of the ten lepers?

    This week I am grateful for a Daddies Girl (DG) who is no longer with us but taught and showed us how to live valiantly and gallantly for the Lord. Yesterday, we had the privilege to attend sister Grace’s beautiful send off. What beautiful testimony of how she touched so many lives with her faith, leading many to Christ. Personally, in the few months that I got to really know her, I learnt so much about faith, being forthright and a woman of integrity. I am grateful to God, for that opportunity I had to watch, listen and learn from her.

    The Bible says ‘how can they know if the gospel is not preached? It goes on to say .. how beautiful are the feet of those who carry the gospel. Our lives are letters that can be read, what messages are we preaching at work, home and our communities?

    Thank you Lord for all that you are to us. Sovereign king, Redeemer and restorer of our lives. β™₯οΈπŸ™πŸ½

  • Fulfilling purpose, realising your dreams.

    Dreams don’t thrive in a vacuum, without being supported, fanned, and bolstered.Β  And you can’t fertilize your dreams sufficiently all by yourself.Β  You need loving ambassadors, mentors, sponsors, and supporters who believe in you, and who see the future vision of you before it’s hatched.

    These supporters know how to keep you true to your dream even when you’re so afraid that all you want to do is run. To launch your big dream into the world as a healthy baby ready to thrive, you need a β€œvillage” to support you.

    I have been very hesitant to step out in faith. My past struggles used to stare me in the face, but my village has been nothing but supportive. Yesterday as I stepped into Airport Church for the parenting seminar, I vividly remembered the path the Lord had walked me through all those years that I sat under the ministry of Bishop Annie. In that moment, I felt vulnerable, broken and scared. I felt inadequate and unqualified. I sobbed like baby as I saw the grace and faithfulness of God starring at me in the very place that fear once stood.

    The Holy Spirit reminded me there and then that it was the struggle that has brought me to here and now. There is no shame in my struggle but God’s purpose and destiny. I can never stand and claim to be qualified. He, qualifies the called so that His purpose will be fulfilled.

    God says to Moses, what is it that you have in your hand? Exodus 4:2 .He poses the same question to each and everyone of us. Those things that you have encountered, seen , heard.. the hurt, pain, joy, laughter, setbacks, people and places . Those are the very essence of you. No one can tell of your struggles the way you can.

    “Look to the path you have walked and know that there lies your destiny”

    hope πŸ’•

  • Day 30

    bible.com/296/isa.26.12.gnb

  • Gratitude

    οΏΌ

    The Lord has great plans for each and everyone of us. His plan is of good and not evil, to give us hope and an expected end. This is the confidence we have Him.

    What are you grateful for today?

    I am grateful for the fierce battles that the Lord fights for my family be it through my marriage and my children. His presence and faithfulness in our lives is an anchor and our confidence. He is our battle axe, mighty warrior great in battle.

    I am grateful that the Lord hears our prayers and answers. He is the one who goes before us and levels every high ground. I am grateful that I am found in Him, where would I be? I am grateful that I am walking in my purpose as a wife and mother. I am grateful that I can encourage someone with my life which is a testimony of Gods goodness, loving kindness and enduring mercies. He is Jehova Roi, our shepherd.

    I am grateful that I can confidently and boldly come before God’s throne of grace through prayer and obtain mercy. I am grateful for the woman that I am and yet to become. I am grateful that I am surrounded by confident, courageous women who are secure in their calling and purpose. I am grateful for the channels of blessings, God has bestowed on my life.

    I am forever grateful for the Seed of hope** parenting platform that is changing the trajectory of families. I am grateful that He has qualified me. I am grateful that my purpose in Him stands.

    Grateful to be His vessel β™₯οΈπŸ™πŸ½

  • Black Panther

    I loved Wakanda. For me, the central message was the power and authority that mama’s have.

    “Tell him who you are!” β™₯️

    These are the words of Ramonda, Queen mother of Wakanda to her son Tchalla, during a battle to defend his throne.

    In moments of fear, uncertainty and frustration, as a mother what do you tell your children? Is your voice that of assurance and definition?.

    Moments of fear, frustration are ‘perfect’ moments to look your child square in the eye and remind them of who they are! The world may see so many things in our children but no one knows them like mama does. The world can tell our children so many things too. However, we can speak into the greatness that is right inside of them and defend their destiny.

    I believe as mothers especially mothers of faith, we are our own children’s prophets. What are you speaking into your children’s lives? My favourite affirmations are: ‘all my children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace’, ‘You are for signs and wonders’.

    Time and again I remind my children of their strengths and address their frustrations and anxieties with a calming voice of prayer, hug, note or even a letter. I like to pray for them in my quiet devotional time. I also enjoy praying with them, lifting them up before the father of all flesh. It’s powerful and they appreciate it.

     

    One other thing am finding helpful with parenting teens season are notes or even letters. I like to express myself on paper, letting my children know that I notice the worries on their faces some days, the pressure and stress of friendships as well as exams. I journal some prayers too.

     

    The greatest armour I am using more these days is intentional hug. Yes, hug. I guess it’s difficult for anyone to say no to a hug. While I am hugging either my 17year son or 13year old daughter, depending on the mood and context, I speak quietly or loudly into their spirit. I believe we all want to reminded of who we are. We all want to be encouraged time again. The power of touch, disarming and healing.

    I remind them of their destiny and call of God upon their lives. You are a mighty man of valour, a Gedion of your generation. You are a mighty woman of God, called to your generation. A women of impact and authority, your light will never dim. I like to call forth those destinies in prayer.

    What are your thoughts, would love to her from you?

    #voiceofhope

    #wakandawednesday

  • Diaspora living

    Life in diaspora has meant different things to us as a family. One of the many things we have learnt and embraced is eczema. Yes the severe dry skin. It may sound trivial but this dry skin showed us through our daughter that it can be a menace.

    Our beloved daughter was born with beautiful baby skin, the soft smooth skin that you expect in babies. Four weeks after birth, she woke up one morning covered in flat well spread rash. I didn’t think much of it, continued our bath time routine as usual. Two weeks later, she was crying and scratching her face. Like any diligent mom, I neatly trimmed her nails hoping that would solve the problem. A week went by and whilst breastfeeding, I noted the tiny scratches that she had made onto her face were yellow and crusty.

    By this time I was in second year nurse training, so I quickly indentified that there was infection somewhere. Our GP was amazing in prescribing the topical antibiotics, steroid cream as well to apply into her skin and some moisturising cream for ‘dry’ skin. Indeed within a couple days, we could see a marked improvement. Relived and delighted, we were. After all, it was Christmas by this time and the all important Family Christmas pictures!

    That was the beginning of a very long journey. A journey, we are hoping is taking us somehow remarkable and to a destination. We soon learnt about eczema from our lovely health visitor who had taken an interest on the condition amongst Migrants. Bewildered, overwhelmed and stressed, I read as much as I could about the condition, diagnosis, side effects treatments etc. I researched a lot!

    Both me and hubby had not heard of this ‘terrible’ condition. I prayed, each time I thought about it. I cried every time I read about the bio-psycho-social burden of the disease. I couldn’t understand why and how she had got it. I had kept healthy throughout my pregnancy, if anything, I was a freaky healthy eater. Some friends explained that it was the mackerel fish that I loved so much during pregnancy.

    Anyway, God is faithful, over the years we continued with the moisturing regimen, paying attention to the change of seasons. It was well managed and we didn’t have any problem. As soon as we saw the inflammation of joints, we diligently started the moisturising regimen. This means applying Cetraben ointment 4-5times a day and adding 2% hydrocortisone to the regimen until inflammation is settled. We kept the Cetraben bottles in different rooms in our house especially lounge so we moisturised whilst watching telly.

    Our challenge and testing time came when we moved house. The poor girl then aged 11years old, just woke up on new year’s eve with pitch black lips and eyelids. Initially, we thought she had eaten something that coloured her lips. Within a week, there was an aggressive flare up that got infected and wouldn’t respond effectively to steroids. She scratched the back of her neck and that quick y turned very ugly.

    Severe, oozing skin rash on black neck skin of a 11yr old female
    Skin rash- sensitive image

    It was time to see a dermatologist. What a fight that was to get NHS GP to refer. I fought like a mama bear that I am, was met with a lot of red tape and mis- diagnosis! Mind you I was now a fully qualified health visitor with extensive professional experience of supporting families with babies like mine. I had also become a professional champion for Eczema through the eczema Society.

    Believe it or not, I was the GP liaison health visitor for mY GP Practice, meaning I had professional links with the practice where we met once every month to discuss families registered on the practice with complex history and what support they were receiving as well as safeguarding concerns.

    I am not saying this meaning I needed preferential treatment rather to highlight the barriers families are facing today in our NHS. it takes a lot of will power and advocacy as a parent to be heard by professionals. Please don’t be discouraged and easily dismissed! As a parent, you know your child best, fight for their care.

    Even then, we needed antibiotics, days off school/ work. It was heartbreaking, stressful and frustrating. One Sunday afternoon, I took her to Accident and Emergency Department. I was fed up! Yes we waited 3hrs to be seen. Bloods were taken and thorough history as well as assessment was done. Her Vitamin D was very low πŸ™†πŸ½

    It turns out amongst cat allergens our baby girl had very low vitamin D levels. Since then we take Vitamin D supplements religiously in our house. Rightfully so! These sun pills are good for mental well being, reduces SAD and bone density in both young and old.

    Who knew what the magical African sun meant to us when we were growing up. Now I understand and appreciate why Africans are able to smile through life’s seasons 🌞🌞

    The department of health, recommends that people of African and Asian origin take vitamin D supplements throughout the year. You can buy these from the supermarket, boots or health shops such as holland and barratts. It’s important to follow the dose and stated by the department of health guidelines.

    When the sun is out, enjoy it.

    Resources:

    Vitamin D Guidelines from NHS-UK: https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-and-diet/the-new-guidelines-on-vitamin-d-what-you-need-to-know/

  • Loving your children

    A dear cousin sent me this amazing youtube clip and I had to share. Initially, I was going to copy and paste on social media, praying that it blesses someone like it did to me.

    There, in that process of doing that ,I begun to reflect in action. The message touched me, as a mom who struggles many a times to get it right with my children.

    The teaching of David Wilkerson sounded sincere, as a grandad wanting to impart some wisdom to the younger generation. Indeed, he did just that for me, hopefully for you too. I have sat many a times with colleagues and friends pouring our hearts out about the state of our society and children, the challenges we face and constraints that are seemingly in place to fail our children.

    If anything, like any mom, I want them to do well. The responsibility and requirements to parent seem colossal compared to when I was growing up. This clip doesn’t address that, however it explains on what I can do as mom, in this challenging environment. I now have to learn what I didn’t see or experience growing up and that has been and remains my biggest challenge.

    David Wilkerson shares is an undiluted truth on the responsibility of parents for our children and what’s happening in our society. We can do something and more with all the challenges we face. His message is, who is watching what’s coming into your home? What are we allowing our children to bring into our homes? We have the authority, responsibility and accountability of what comes in.

    I have been there and still do, where I have felt it’s me against the world, my children’s friends, media, different cultures, values, school etc. It is incredibly exhaustingly on all levels, I get it and know it too well. The world and its powers would want us to do just that, give in and give up. Our children are too precious to do that.

    Parents in diaspora, we now know how time poor we are and the scarcity of social networks to support us in our journey. For us, first generation migrants, parenting abroad is a new phenomenon with all its complexities. Those we relate to better, the ones we jumped ship with and swapped our identities for a better life, seem new and bewildered with the challenges we face. Where do we go from here?

    We work very hard and all hours at trying to make ends meet, ofcourse we have to pay the bills. Maybe, once the bills are paid and we have sent a little for the folks back home, maybe, we can just sit at home and listen to our children. Maybe, we can forgo a huge Christmas celebration and all the designer prezzies and just enjoy each other’s company while we watch the door. Maybe we can pay more attention to who our children are watching and listening to.

    It’s key to note that our children’s friends no longer come to knock on the door asking for our children to come out and play. How easy it was then, to approve or disapprove! It is no longer so, for those of us with teenagers and older children. Their friends are online, keeping them wide awake at night right in the four corners of our homes.

    I have spoken to friends who have managed to nail art of contouring their faces in a bid to enhance what God has given them. Their verdict is, it takes time but practice makes perfect. Getting it right with and for our children, I believe takes time and it’s worth it. When all is said and done, they grow quickly too.

    I also believe in the power of prayer. Gods says I have a heart for a praying parent. Your prayers are not in vain. We can have righteous anger for the lives and future of our children. Pray with conviction and without ceasing for the matters affecting them.

    I have also come to this understanding: may have less control of what happens out there but I have accountability of what comes through the doors of our home and that includes via internet.

    I also have a responsibility to model the life I expect of my children. I have to be at home mind/ body/ spirit to guard my house, no one else will.
    To all the parents , be alert and not sleep on the job.

    If you have observed palace guards you know how they take their responsibilities seriously. They know the value of what they are guarding. This dude here πŸ‘‡πŸΎ at Prague Castle didn’t move or even smile at all despite all our antics. It’s because he was on duty and guarding what has been entrusted to him. So are we as parents.

    I pray that you make the time. I pray that you create the space to love and nurture your children in this busy world!


    ‭‭ ‭

    Do get in touch with Fadzai via this link if you need any help/ support/ strategy to become more intentional in your parenting journey

    David Wilkerson Sermon

    https://youtu.be/2AvQyCoVPKM

    Remain encouraged and intentional 🌱

  • The woman in me

    Woke up today feeling rather exhausted. It’s been a month since I started my new job. Reality has since set in and I have found myself busier than anticipated. That certainly has had a knock on effect on my mental and emotional health.  The English weather and the commute has not helped. The train commute isn’t bad, it’s the driving through packed, smokey and hot London tarmac roads that does my head in. For sanity’s sake I will not mention the parking.

    The weather tops it all for me. The need to be comfortable and practical is a must. However, the English weather remains unpredictable. You never know when it is going to rain or whether the sunny spell will last the 12hours whilst you are at work. It is hard. One has to think about what to wear and how that can adapt to the weather too. It’s a problem I had anticipated hence I chose a uniform. If you have read my previous blog on the day before the new job, I bought some lovely, comfortable navy blue slacks to wear with plain white t shirts and pumps. Well, today I decided otherwise as it was going to be warm. Besides, my daughter had decided to wear my t-shirts at home 🀣. 

    Feeling rather unmotivated and wanting to get into the office early for a busy day ahead, I just grabbed the clean and cotton dress that I could find. It’s the African ankara dress mama got tailor made for me. It fits well and that’s all I needed so I could catch the earlier train. Thankfully, I made it after sprinting a good 5mins! The joys of commuting, I keep telling myself, you are getting fit girl!πŸƒπŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸƒπŸ½β€β™€οΈ

    Anyway, I walk into work and I get lots of compliments on this particular dress. I get lots of nods and smiles from ‘sisters’ with a look of approval. It dawns on me that the dress is making a statement that I had not perceived before. When I walked into the office, colleagues exclaimed how they like my dress. I chuckle to myself and just smile. Comments are made with the British niceness and political correctness that I have become familiar with but still unsettling.

    The dress is addressing my identity and all that I represent. Someone remarked that the dress has made them feel homesick, as I reminded them of where they come from. Amazing how a piece of clothing can conjure so many emotions at all levels. Then there is the senior colleagues I met in the corridors with the look of ‘wow’. That’s me there affirmed! The beauty of working with a very diverse community is that you find your sisterhood.  These are the women who identify with you and what you are all about. These are women who have walked your journey or are on the same path with you.  Your stories, struggles and strength are entwined and become the given. Your journey is easily understood without having to explain yourself.

    Today I didn’t  wake up, wanting to draw attention to myself, I didn’t feel that way at all. However, I’m glad that the day turned out the way it did. For the rest of the day, I had a spring in my step and a conviction in my heart that I will get there. There, for me, is a place of effectiveness and relevance. 

    The dress reminded me that it’s not so bad after all. I am African. I am a strong African woman. The dress allowed me to have small talk with a few more people than before. This dress addresses the woman in me, a woman on a Journey. 


    That has been the highlight of my day! 

    Hopeful ❀

     

  • Love wins.

    It feels good to be back to writing again. I have been away from the blog due to work commitments. I normally write whilst on the train commuting to and from work. The past few days I have been driving due to change in location of where I was working.

    Anyway, I attended a training on Prevent. Those in U.K. would know about this training. It is about learning strategies to combat terrorism. The fundamental of this training is that we all should look out for those who are vulnerable amongst us and at risk of been radicalised. Terrorism is indeed a global phenomena and it takes all forms. 

    In a bid to educate and be educated we talk about current affairs on the dinner table with our teens. Their understanding of their world is very complex. Our slightly more mature son thinks differently to our passionate, feisty political daughter. My daughter feels we all need to love and respect one another regardless of where we come from or are based. She feels it’s wrong to mourn the loss of life in Manchester when the same even younger children are being killed in Syria. Rightfully so! We applaud her thinking and passion for the rights of all humanity.

    We realise that our daughter loves to debate and she is able to think on her feet. Proud, yes we are. The environment she is in, fosters that kind of thinking and the need to express oneself. It is a good thing. We encourage that in our family. However, it doesn’t stop us realising her vulnerabilities too. Because she feels so strongly about certain things, in a wrong crowd she can fall prey to evil people. There are people who are waiting to feed our passions. These are the recruiters and radiclisers.

    As parents, we continue to have conversations with our teens and channel their thinking in the right direction. 

    Our children want to be heard. They want us to put our phones away while we talk to them. When we do that, they will do the same when we are talking to them too. 

    Our children want our time more than anything else. Prioritise them and they will do the same. Let’s love one another and save the lives of our children from terrorism. 
    As parents, let us be empowered and keep our children safe. We all are vulnerable at some point in life but we do not need to be radicalised.  For those whose children have turned away and are on the verge of being radicalised, talk to someone. There is help available. I believe those who went to Syria, their families saw the gradual changes in them but did not what to do. Often times, in our challenges as parents we can feel overhemeled and confused. Talking to someone helps.
    Those who haven’t accessed the training or heard about it, there is a link below. For those reading from outside U.K. please access the link if you can. Terrorism is everywhere. Choose to be empowered today.

    The training is provided by the Home office and can easily be accessed on their website.πŸ‘‡πŸΎ

    https://www.elearning.prevent.homeoffice.gov.uk/la/m/screen3

    Hope conquers πŸ’ž
    P.S Please comment , like, share and follow the blog. Remember sharing is caring 

  • The blessing that makes one rich and adds no sorrow β€

    What a privilege it is to wake up to God’s promises!

    I was looking through the photos and came across this family photo that was taken last August 2016 in Copenhagen. It melted my heart. God has been good and gracious to us.


    It has not always been like this. As a family, we have had our share of ups and downs, we have struggled as well as felt overwhelmed. We have also felt like giving up on each other as a couple as well as sending our children to be with grandparents in Zimbabwe.

    Life is challenging, family life is complex. For us parenting in diaspora made the whole mix extremely complex. The lack of social support and extended family makes it challenging. Our expectations for each other and our children change and keep on changing. That’s growth right?

    Growth is a great thing as long as you do it together as a family. It’s very easy to grow apart especially here in UK due to work patterns and economic demands coupled by Black Tax. As our children have grown, we have decided to be an INTENTIONAL couple. We normally have a scheduled time daily, no phones and just us 2, to catch up on each other. I have taken working hours that are more family friendly as well so I can be home with the kids. It takes sacrifice and communicating your vision to each other as a family and to the wider extended family circles. Happy couples make great parents.

    The greatest thing we did is, we decided to partner with God. We realised we just couldn’t make it on our own. There is so much peace that one has when you handover something to someone else, it becomes their issue and agenda.

    I remember when our amazing daughter was born. It was hubby’s first hand experience of looking after a baby all by himself.  Our wonderful son was born in Zim with all the help from extended family and nannies. The first day I left the three of them, I cried all the way to the nursing placement. I was worried about how hubby would cope with the baby as he was working  nights as well. We had decided that I would stay on the nursing course despite all health and safety issues from University and Occupational health. Indeed, I went to Uni on a Friday and gave birth on the Sunday.  Being on 3year student visa, we didn’t want to jeopardise that. I returned to placement when baby was only two weeks old. Those are the unspoken sacrifices that migrants make due to government policies. Those who have experienced Home office service, beaurocracy and the extortius fees know what I mean.

    No words can describe what a blessing our daughter is, incredibly strong willed, feisty, loving, caring, smart and definitely a daddy’s girl. I learnt to be focused and strategic as a mum of 2 and mature student. Since giving birth, all my assignments were completed with A grades. I couldn’t afford to fail. That was followed by passing my much needed driving lessons. i had to learn to drive and learn FAST as I was catching 3 buses to and from Uni!

    God promises us that He cares and loves our families more than anything. That is the confidence we have.

    It takes a lot of faith and trust to believe and see the promises of God come to pass. Many a times, things may seem to get worse before they get better. As a family, we are encouraged by some of our answered prayers. We also know some families personally, who are walking in Gods promises and that inspires us. We continue to hope and trust in Him. The verse below summarises our mission as a family. Looking to the Lord for help always. We love the assurance in “never”, what a promise!!

    β€œThose who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame”. ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    This is our journey, hope you have been inspired. Would love to hear how your journey as a family is panning out.

    Be hopeful, always ❀