Intentional parenting

Tag: goals

  • Playful Parent

    We are continuing with our Affirmations challenge. Cannot believe it’s end of November already! today we’re saying to out children ‘ You are fun to be with’.

    Can your children say the same about you?

    What does fun and playfulness look like in your home? We all have different expressions of being funny, playful and enjoying life.

    For most of us African parents, we may not have seen our parents roll on the floor with laughter, tickle or cuddle us. They had their own ways of being fun. May be they enjoyed telling folktales. May be they enjoyed singing and dancing to hyms. That was their idea of fun and there is nothing wrong with that.

    The idea of being playful especially here in diaspora can seem very alien to us parents of African heritage, as everywhere you look, there are pictures or literature on Western ways of playful parenting. I would encourage you to do what feels FUN for you. Share that side of you with your children.

    Once in a while, don’t worry about the mounting bills, all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.

    Do something that makes you have belly laughs.

    Dance to your favourite music like no-one is watching.

    Hang out with the girls or boys where needed.

    Below I share some

    Tips for being playful.

    1. Embrace Playfulness: Don’t be afraid to let loose and engage in playful activities. Whether it’s a spontaneous dance party in the living room or pretending to be pirates in the backyard, embracing your inner child creates a joyful atmosphere.
    2. Create Family Traditions: Establishing fun and memorable family traditions fosters a sense of togetherness. It could be a weekly game night, Friday movie night, Pizza party, a special breakfast on Saturdays, or an annual family outing. Consistency builds anticipation and strengthens family bonds.
    3. Be Open to Spontaneity: Sometimes, the most enjoyable moments happen unexpectedly. Be open to spontaneous adventures, like a last-minute picnic in the park or a surprise movie night, bowling evening, a drive through your neighbour or some random place. Flexibility adds an element of excitement to family life.
    4. Use Humor: A good sense of humor can diffuse tension and create a lighthearted atmosphere. Share jokes, play silly games, or simply find humor in everyday situations. Laughter is a powerful tool for bonding. Be open to silliness.
    5. Incorporate Learning into Fun: Turn educational activities into enjoyable experiences. Whether it’s a science experiment at home, a nature scavenger hunt, or a creative art project, blending learning with fun makes it engaging for both you and your children.
    6. Be Present: Quality time is key to being a fun parent. Put away distractions, focus on the moment, and actively participate in your child’s world. Whether it’s reading a book together or building a fort, being fully present enhances the enjoyment.
    7. Encourage Creativity: Provide opportunities for creative expression. This could involve arts and crafts, music sessions, or imaginative play. Allowing your children to express themselves fosters a sense of autonomy and joy. Let your children see you join clubs and activists as well. Join a salsa class, go to the gym etc
    8. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s accomplishments, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement boosts their confidence and makes the learning process more enjoyable.
    9. Outdoor Adventures: Plan outdoor activities that cater to different interests. Whether it’s a nature hike, a day at the beach, or a bike ride, fresh air and physical activity contribute to a fun and healthy family dynamic.
    10. Express Affection: Show love and affection regularly. Hugs, high-fives, and words of encouragement create a positive and secure environment. Knowing they are loved unconditionally contributes to a happy and enjoyable family atmosphere.

  • You are enough

    When you’re feeling like you’re not enough, it’s important to practice self-compassion and employ strategies that help build your self-worth. Here are some strategies you can try:

    1. Practice self-care: Take time for activities that make you feel good, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
    2. Focus on your strengths: Remind yourself of your accomplishments and the unique qualities that make you who you are.
    3. Set realistic goals: Break down big tasks into smaller, achievable steps, and celebrate each milestone you reach along the way.
    4. Surround yourself with supportive people: Spend time with those who appreciate and value you for who you are, and who encourage your personal growth. We have an intentional parenting whatsapp group or facebook you can join here
    5. Challenge negative thoughts: Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations and remind yourself that everyone has moments of self-doubt.
    6. Help others: Volunteering or supporting others in need can help shift your focus away from self-doubt and boost your sense of purpose.
    7. Seek professional help if needed: Consider speaking with a therapist, parenting coach or counselor who can provide guidance and support for improving your self-esteem and self-worth.

    Remember, building self-worth is a gradual process, so be patient and kind to yourself as you work through these strategies.

    If you want to discuss some of this further with Fadzai, do contact via this link

    Remember You are enough!

  • Intentional Parenting affirmations challenge

    Every month of November we are taking the positive affirmation challenge.

    Research on affirmations suggests that they can have a positive impact on the brain, influencing areas related to self-worth, self-integrity, and cognitive processing. Studies indicate that practicing affirmations may help in reducing stress, enhancing resilience, and improving overall well-being. They can also contribute to a more positive mindset, increased self-esteem, and a stronger sense of control over one’s life.

    We are encouraging parents to speak positively in the lives of your children. Most of you may already be doing this. What we are emphasising is the power of spoken words into the hearts and minds of your children.

    💡Tip

    You may also want to draw out traits that you need to see more in your child. For instance you may have a child who has either of these traits; fearful , indecisive, anxious, unkind, disorganised, confused, hanging with wrong crowds, lazy, indifferent, distracted, etc.

    Speak into those traits eg where there is laziness, speak diligence, commitment etc. Talk about it with your child in a sensitive and respectful manner:

    “I see you struggle to get things done. How can I help you?”

    Listen to their suggestions and be willing to work with them. Put practical strategies to support with what needs to happen. If you identify something that you nee help with, do get in touch with Fadzai via this link

    Talk about the challenge and how you are keen to support and make a difference as a parent.

    If your child is old enough, ask if there is anything that they need you to focus/ support or pray into?

    The idea of the challenge is to make it your own and meaningful as much as possible.

    We understand the power of the SPOKEN word especially when said in faith!

    Goal

    These are some potential goals for this challenge focused on intentional parenting:

    1. Encouraging parents to prioritize quality time and meaningful interactions with their children in order to foster strong emotional bonds and promote positive child development.
    2. Empowering parents to practice mindful, conscious parenting techniques that prioritize understanding, empathy, and effective communication, fostering a supportive and nurturing family environment.
    3. Promoting the importance of setting clear boundaries and consistent discipline strategies to help children develop self-discipline, responsibility, and healthy decision-making skills, ultimately contributing to their overall well-being and character development.
    4. Highlighting the significance of promoting emotional intelligence and resilience in children through intentional conversations, positive reinforcement, and modeling healthy emotional expression, thus equipping them with essential life skills for managing and navigating their emotions effectively.

    What you need for this challenge is to speak these AFFIRMING words into your child. If you are christian we encourage you to do it prayerfully.

    I encourage you to be creative, wild and think outside the box on how you want to do this.

    Below are examples of what you can do:

    Bedroom door.

    Affirmation JAR

    Choose a consistent time that works for you and your household. For example, a working from home parent may choose a time when the child/ ren are at school to surprise them when they come home each day with an affirmative word.

    Another parent may choose to share the word with child, pray together into that Affirmative word and may ask the child to stick it on the door.

    📌Do what works well for you and your child.

    Encourage the teens and young adults living at home to participate. Let them know you are taking the challenge. With this cohort of children, they may not be overly interested, do not lose heart. They need these WORDS more than than you can imagine. For Christian parents, you may want to pray into their rooms on your own each day using that AFFIRMATIVE word and then stick it on their bedroom door.

    For those of you with a children who share a bedroom, use different coloured post notes for each child so you can differentiate.

    If you do not have post it notes, use plain paper and coloured pen/ markers/ highlighters/ eg black pen, green, red or blue.

    Some of you may prefer to use digital notes. Use what is easier and best for you. This may work well with children who are not living at home may be in boarding schools, college, uni or left the nest altogether.

    Be as creative and wild as you want with this.

    As a parent remember to speak positively to yourself as well:

    I am a loving parent

    I am doing a great job

    I am raising the future

    I am the best parent for my child

    I am learning

    I am enough

    I am growing

    I am impactful

    I am open minded

    I am qualified to parent.

    I love what I do.

    The Challenge

    “Positive Parenting Affirmation Challenge”
    “🌟✨ Join our #IntentionalParentingAffirmationChallenge #IPAC and share your daily affirmations for a happier, more fulfilling parenting journey! Let’s uplift our children and spread the joy of positive parenting one affirmation at a time.

    🌈 Tag us and inspire others to embrace the power of positivity! Use these hashtags #ParentingPositivity #Affirmations #IntentionalParenting #IPAC

    Follow Intentional parenting socials via links below for updates and inspiration.

    Do share with your friends, families and colleagues.

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/intentionalparentings

    Instagram : I’m on Instagram as intentional_parenting. https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=1ja8yyio9fp65&utm_content=3bmfqzz

  • Diaspora diaries: My children and their education-supporting exam time.

    Webinar

    Below are the tips we shared on supporting your children.

    God has called us into a *living* relationship with Him and those around us especially our families, children in particular.

    By investing time, we are able to be effective in supporting their journey into their growth.

    – Loving them despite and beyond the grades is key.

    – Love propels us to invest time in prayer for them.

    – Supporting them with their studies throughout the year is more important than exam day.

    – Speak to their teachers, be involved at school.

    – For most of us, the education system is a whole new experience. Seek to learn from others, ask questions, be open and willing to learn.

    – Let’s be sensitive and empathetic towards other parents who may seem to be struggling at school.

    –

    Here are seven effective strategies:

    1. Create a Study-Friendly Environment

    •Why: A quiet, organized space helps concentration and reduces distractions.

    •How:

    • Dedicate a specific area for studying, free from noise and clutter.

    • Provide good lighting, comfortable seating, and necessary stationery.

    • Encourage short, focused study sessions using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of break).

    2. Establish a Study Routine

    •Why: A consistent routine reduces anxiety and builds productive habits.

    •How:

    • Work together to create a realistic revision timetable, balancing core subjects and weaker areas.

    • Include regular breaks and time for relaxation to prevent burnout.

    • Monitor progress and adjust the plan if needed.

    3. Manage Phone and Social Media Usage

    •Why: Phones and social media can be major distractions during study time.

    •How:

    • Agree on “phone-free” study times and use apps like Forest or Focus Booster to block distractions.

    • Designate times for social media use, ideally during breaks or after study sessions.

    • Lead by example by minimizing your own screen time during family hours.

    4. Encourage a Balanced Lifestyle

    •Why: Physical activity, sleep, and a healthy diet improve focus and reduce stress.

    •How:

    • Promote regular exercise, such as walks, yoga, or sports.

    • Ensure they get 8-9 hours of sleep each night by setting consistent bedtimes.

    • Provide nutritious meals and encourage hydration, avoiding excess caffeine or sugary snacks.

    5. Offer Emotional Support

    •Why: GCSEs can be stressful, and children need to feel supported and understood.

    •How:

    • Listen to their concerns without judgment and offer reassurance.

    • Avoid comparing them to peers or siblings.

    • Celebrate small achievements to boost their confidence and motivation.

    6. Encourage Active Revision Techniques

    •Why: Passive studying is less effective than active learning.

    •How:

    • Suggest methods like mind maps, flashcards, practice exams, and teaching concepts to others.

    • Use online resources, such as GCSEPod, BBC Bitesize, or Seneca Learning, to diversify study approaches.

    • Discuss difficult topics together to help them articulate their understanding.

    7. Model a Growth Mindset

    •Why: A positive attitude can reduce anxiety and encourage perseverance.

    •How:

    • Emphasize effort over results: “It’s about doing your best, not being perfect.”

    • Share examples from your own life where persistence led to improvement.

    • Remind them that setbacks are learning opportunities, not failures.

    Bonus Tip: Stay Involved

    Regularly check in on their progress and well-being without micromanaging. Balance support with independence to build their confidence in managing their responsibilities.

  • Diaspora parenting

    Parenting is the most challenging and yet incredibly rewarding role that one will ever take. If you are a parent you will probably agree with me. Here i’m sharing 5tips from my upcoming book
    “Raising Fa: Surviving parenting in Diaspora”
    In this book I share on what has worked for me as a mom and I what I have learnt through my role as a public health nurse working with families in UK community as well as a safeguarding children’s nurse. Both roles have fundamental understanding of child development theories, family dynamics and the impact of environmental/societal factors on the development of a child.
    PARENTING TIPS:
    1– Partnering with God. For me this remains the best decision I made as a mom. In all circumstances, I have turned to God to help me as a mom and also help my children at whatever stage they are. By partnering with Him, it lessened the burden as when challenging times came, I looked and literally took my burden to His feet. I will share more on my next blog on how to lay at feet in prayer, interceding for our children. In that blog I will share tips such as praying for your child in their bedroom, playing worship songs continuously in their rooms etc
    2— Pray, pray, pray. Pray in faith concerning your children. Dare to believe God for the promises He says concerning your children. My favourite is “All our children shall be taught of the lord and great shall be their peace” Isaiah 54:13 O the price of peace!! That’s the greatest gift I could give my children. That they may know His peace that transcends all understanding. The bible says pray at all times and in all manner. If it bothers you, pray about it, philipians 4:6
    3—- Time is money, valuable and is precious! How true with our children! Give them the gift of your time. Let them know how much they mean to you. Drop everything and be with them. It’s the best investment one could ever make, it gives in returns. Imagine a romantic relationship with someone who can never prioritise you but gives you the leftovers all the time. It is the same with our children. Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
    Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
    4—Be equipped, learn how to be a parent. A lot of us feel we can just do it, maybe. My personal experience by not being equipped I made a lot of mistakes and now I am trying to rectify these especially with our first. Both my pregnancies were unplanned. Back home, when the community helped to raise a child, it was easier and doable. A lot of the older women were great teachers in informal education. Fast forward in the diaspora, that community is not there. Older women are around but busy and scarce.
    Parenting classes then become fundamental for a parent who wants to get it right. Local children centres offer bite size parenting courses, churches and charities as well as independent consultants offer parenting courses. Online courses are also available that are affordable and easily accessible. Society will not let you get on the road without a licence but it is ok to raise a human being on trial and error. Think about it.
    5—-In managing behaviours, use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
    Help your child learn to express how s/he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you upset?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way.”
    Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them.
    Above all remember to be kind to your yourself and remain hopeful. Some days are harder and some seasons are even challenging. The truth of the matter is that, it WILL come to pass. Take deep breaths, drink your water and try and get some rest. Sleep enough hours to build resilience so you can continue on the journey.
    Would love to hear how you are getting on in your parenting journey. Drop us a comment, like. Share the message of hope and let other parents know we can do it.
    Till next time,
    Remain intentional 🌱
    Love
    Fadzai x
    💕🙏🏽

  • Brethren

    Stumbled upon this verse and I have to admit, I was astounded!

    Astounded maybe because of my inadequacies, my flawed inability to stand long enough together with fellow bethren to see their prayers answered. Yet the Lord commands us to ‘stand together UNTIL”.

    When was the last time you stood in faith with someone for those things that He answered in your own life?

    #purpose

    #bethrenhood 🙏🏽❤

  • Hey Fa,

    Saturday musings

    There are more messy entries which I shall share, once permission is granted 🤣😎

    Loved this hence I am sharing with you🤣. Stumbled upon this journal entry whilst tidying the bedrooms. I have never been called Fadzai before so this a WHOLE new level for my cherub. This entire entry has been revelatory for me today 😍.

    Can I let you in onto something? I have struggled with the whole parenting shindig. Intentional Parenting exists in my bid to share all my pitfalls and blind spots so YOU do not have to. Once in a while I come across evidence such as this 👆🏾, that reminds me that I do get some things RIGHT. Giving notebooks and stationery gifts to my children has been powerful over the years.

    This is a journal entry in 2020 from one of my precious jewels. The global pandemic was in full swing and emotions were raging all over the place in the Nyirenda household. We had the exhausted parents from working in healthcare and then the young adults overwhelmed and literally STUCK at home. It was a mess.

    In a bid to get some control, sanity and maintain a level of mental wellness, phones were confiscated and that’s how we ended up here.

    To see this entry today 2.4.22, warms my heart to a certain extent. Many a times the decisions we make as parents can be painful as we are not 💯 sure wether we are doing the right thing. And to be honest, there will never be a time you are 💯 sure

    Whatever decision you need to make for your family , your children especially, trust your GUT. Utilise the research evidence you have at hand about that particular decision. Ask God to help you and find out from His word what you need to do. Reach out to other TRUSTED parents in confidence.

    “Effective, intentional parenting isn’t a two people band. Don’t let anyone lie to you. BUILD a community around you to help, you need it.”

    Fadzai

    Back to your decision making; What’s the worst that can happen?

    That’s one of the questions I ask myself when I need to make an important decision and work my work back to mitigate that WORST thing that can happen.

    Take for instance, confiscating the phone from your teen. What’s the worst that can happen?

    -S/he may hate you

    -She may get another dodgy phone from someone else.

    -S/he may get social media withdrawal symptoms; depressed/ angry/ upset etc

    -S/he may struggle to reach you in an emergency etc.

    You explore all this and plan effectively.

    The key and most important question is;

    What am I trying to do in my parenting??

    For me, I am raising the future . I want to honour God in my parenting. I want to raise independent, secure citizens. All this informs my parenting style, commitment and VISION.

    Note books are good for putting your thoughts on paper. This is a very useful strategy to use especially with teens who sometimes may struggle to express themselves.

    Do you use notebooks, do you write letters to your child/ren, partner or yourself?

    If you haven’t tried it, give a go and let me know…

    For those who practice this, how is this working? Let me know in comments below,…

    Remain blessed and anchored 🌱

    Every blessing.

    Fadzai

  • Hello August

    August is always such a beautiful month for me . In my native country of Zimbabwe, August is spring time. It represents the budding and springing you of new things. I get excited!

    Growing up, August was always school holidays. It meant visiting my maternal grandmother in the country side, being spoilt on farm produce and then attending the annual Harare Agricultural Show. It was such a highlight across the country as farmers show cased their produce. There were games, rides , food, music, fireworks you name it.,

    August is also our wedding anniversary month. It’s such a time filled with celebrations and love.

    As I have gotten older and matured in my spiritual walk, I tend to seek Gods word for this new month and for my birthday. I take time to pray, read the word and fast ahead of my birthday. I have to admit that the past 6years it has been phenomenal. On most occasions, my cousin sister has joined or invited me to a fast ahead of my birthday. Having someone to journey with and hold you accountable makes such a difference.

    I have seen situations shift in such a phenomenal way. I have also been given clear directions through scriptures or words from two other women that God tends to use in my life. I am grateful for their lives and obedience to God.

    As such this year is no different. If anything, we have never needed Gods direction like we do in this unprecedented year of 2020.

    Below is my prayer for August. Why don’t you join me in making those declarations;

    “Lord I thank You for this new month. Thank You for going ahead of me and levelling every high ground. Thank You for silencing every voice of confusion and giving me clarity of purpose and mind. I declare that August is blessed and I am blessed with the riches of Your presence. My household and friends are blessed. I declare that no weapon fashioned or formed against me will prosper and every word spoken in judgement I will refute, I will not be silent. I declare that I am called for such a time as this. I am operating from a place of alignment. My heart and mind are in the right place in You. I hear and I obey. The Holy Spirit is my friend and confidant, constantly reminding me of Your heart and intentions concerning my life. I am empowered and strengthened. I serve from a place of authority and understanding. My helpers are available and I see them with the eyes of the Spirit. I am attentive to Your gentle whispers and nudging. I am a city on a hill that cannot be hidden. My light shines bright enabling others to see and not stumble in darkness. I radiate Your beauty and light. Amen”

    Go ahead and enjoy Gods goodness. Be sure to keep Him at the centre of all your decision making and thought process. Be diligent in spending time in prayer, meditation and His word. If you are fasting, saturate your mind with Gods presence through music, reading and meditation.

    Don’t forget to write down the things that God lays on your heart. Carry a notebook or use your smartphone notes to capture these. Be expectant. Expect God to say something through the word, music, friends etc .

    When you are at home, it’s a good idea to fill your home with gospel or worship music. I personally enjoy premier radio or UCB 2. Alternatively, you can stream youtube videos of messages that encourage, uplift and most importantly TEACH.

    I will be sharing my own journey in this month.

    Be sure to follow here on the blog, facebook or instagram.

    Every blessing

    Fadzai x

  • Parenting strategies

    www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/remember-good-times-with-your-kids/

    P

  • Motherhood and me: Goal setting

    Webinar 12.12.2019

    smart goals for mums

    On the webinar we started by acknowledging the need to have ambitious goals when it comes to our #parenting role.

    Why set a goal?

    • Setting goals gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation.

    •By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your effort.

    •By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in your achievements.

    It is important for us as parents to think about ‘what kind of a parent do I want to be?’. The key to answering that question is in visualising what you are trying to achieve. How do I want my role/ position as mother to look like 5, 10, 20 years and beyond?

    An example was drawn of having a goal of being a ‘praying mom’, ‘kind mom’, ‘playful mom’. How does one achieve that goal? It became clear that one will need to read books on prayer, praying mothers, prayer for your children etc. One may want to think about other moms who exude those traits. Who do I know personally or virtually as a kind mom, praying mom? etc. What is it about their life that I can learn from and apply now or later in my own parenting journey?

    You will also need to make a further investment in an accountability partner/ buddy/ mentor/. This is a person who then hold you accountable to your goals, aspirations and all the things that you are trying to achieve. It is important to find the right person who is able to support you with your goal (s) and the bigger vision of the parent or the mother that you are trying to be. It needs to be someone you can be open and transparent.

    While a friend or family member may be the first person who comes to mind, how good are they at holding you accountable? How ready are they to listen and support you with your ambitious goal without feeling a tinge of jealousy or doubts about your capabilities?

    Other areas to consider when setting goals are:

    •Career – What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve? How is my career going to support my parenting role?

    •Financial – How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your parenting goals!

    •Education – Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to have in order to achieve that parenting goal?

    •Family – How are you going to be a good parent? What things do you need to do in order to achieve those goals?

    •Spiritual- What is my spiritual life like and what how can I get it to better?

    I emphasised the importance of including our spouses/ partners in this goal setting. Some things may be pertinent to motherhood, overall we hope the goals will encompass the role of fathers.

    Today’s session was an opportunity to start to think about those goals and who is going to support you achieve them. I encourage you to take time, do some soul searching, revisit those little girls aspirations about the kind of mother you wanted to be. Use pen and paper to write those aspirations down. Pray over them. Discuss them with your spouse or partner. Those with able children, you can choose to include and consult them in your goal setting too. You may be surprised on how your children view your mothering style, vision /values.

    It is our prayer that you find the time, energy and resources to do this. We hope you will find the exercise useful and worthwhile. When we meet next time in January 2020, we are offering an opportunity to write those goals down clearly and beautifully during our #visionboard workshop. We will be extending an invitation to our Intentional Parenting Members Club where we share our goals/ visions in a safe space and hold one another accountable.

    Look out for updates on instagram stories (intentional_parenting) , facebook and whatsapp

    I’m on Instagram as intentional_parenting. Install the app to follow my photos and videos. https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=jdbmpt64mjl&utm_content=3bmfqzz