Intentional parenting

Tag: diligent

  • Connected parenting

    Guide for African Migrant Parents: Staying Connected to Your Teenagers

    Parenting as an African migrant comes with unique challenges, especially when raising teenagers in a new culture. Balancing traditional values with the realities of life abroad can create tension, but staying connected with your teen is vital for their growth and maintaining a strong family bond. Here’s a practical guide to help:

    1. Understand Their World

    • Learn About the Local Culture

    Take time to understand the culture your teen is growing up in. This will help you better comprehend their challenges and pressures, such as peer relationships, school dynamics, or social norms.

    Tip: Attend school events or community activities to observe and engage with their environment.

    • Stay Updated on Trends

    Be aware of what interests them—social media, music, fashion, or sports. Ask them about what’s popular and listen without judgment.

    Example: “What’s your favorite app these days? Can you show me how it works?”

    2. Communicate Openly and Often

    • Create a Safe Space

    Teens may hesitate to open up if they fear judgment or punishment. Show empathy and listen without interruption.

    Example: “I may not fully understand, but I want to hear how you feel.”

    • Be Consistent with Check-ins

    Regularly ask about their day, friendships, and feelings. Make conversations a habit, not just when there’s a problem.

    Tip: Have chats during shared activities like cooking, driving, or walking. Eat at the table away from TV and gadgets.

    3. Blend Cultures Positively

    • Teach Them Your Heritage

    Share stories, traditions, and values from your African roots to give them a sense of identity and pride.

    Example: Celebrate cultural festivals or cook traditional meals together. Attend local festivals such as The Zim Heritage Festival, more details here

    • Embrace Their New Environment

    Allow your teen to explore and adopt aspects of their current culture while guiding them to balance both worlds.

    Tip: Celebrate achievements that matter to them, whether it’s excelling in school or pursuing a hobby. Enrol them in after school activities eg sports, drama. You can google your local area or ask your school for some guidance. If you live in Buckinghamshire, you can check the family information website here

    4. Show Affection and Encouragement

    • Acknowledge Their Efforts

    Praise their achievements and effort, no matter how small. Teens crave validation from their parents.

    Example: “I’m proud of how you handled that situation with your friend.”

    • Offer Emotional and Physical Support

    Be available when they’re stressed or need comfort. A simple hug or reassuring words can mean a lot.

    5. Set Boundaries with Love

    • Balance Discipline with Understanding

    Explain the reasoning behind rules instead of enforcing them without context.

    Example: “I’m asking you to come home by 9 PM because I worry about your safety.”

    • Be Flexible When Necessary

    While it’s important to uphold family values, adjust your expectations to fit their realities.

    6. Be Involved in Their Education

    • Engage with Their School Life

    Attend parent-teacher meetings and know their academic strengths and challenges. Show interest in their goals.

    Tip: Ask how you can support them with their studies or extracurricular activities.

    • Encourage Lifelong Learning

    Help them see the value of education, whether academic, vocational, or personal development. Share your own experiences of perseverance. Read together as families. Watch documentaries that are informative and educational.

    7. Handle Conflicts with Care

    • Avoid Comparisons

    Don’t compare them to peers or other teenagers eg. cousins years in Africa. This can make them feel misunderstood.

    • Resolve Disagreements Calmly

    When arguments arise, take a step back to cool off before discussing solutions. Apologize if needed; it models respect and humility.

    8. Build a Support Network

    • Connect with Other Parents

    Join local community groups or parenting networks to share experiences and advice. We have a whatsapp community here at Intentional Parenting to offer support and guidance.

    • Involve Mentors or Elders

    Trusted community members or family friends can reinforce values and offer guidance to your teen.

    9. Foster Independence

    • Give Them Responsibility

    Encourage them to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. This builds confidence.

    • Prepare Them for the Future

    Talk about career paths, finances, and life skills to help them transition into adulthood.

    10. Take Care of Yourself

    • Manage Your Stress

    Parenting is demanding, especially in a new country. Seek support if needed through community resources or counseling. Local authority are also good places to get help. Please don’t stew in your problems with your children.

    For a confidential and non judgemental chat, reach out to Fadzai click here. You can find out more about Fadzai

    • Model Healthy Behavior

    Teens often emulate their parents. Show resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to learn.

    Final Thoughts

    Building a strong relationship with your teenager takes time, patience, and effort. By combining the wisdom of your African heritage with the opportunities of your new environment, you can raise confident, well-rounded children who appreciate their roots and thrive in their new home.

    Wishing you every success in this journey!

    Remain Intentional

    Fadzai 🌱

  • Loving your children

    As a working migrant community, creating time to bond with your children is very important.

    Our children are competing for our attention with Shifts, black tax, social media, our mobile phones parental fatigue and stress. So what can we do?

    Below are 5 tips that I have used myself and many other parents I work with , with positive results.

    1. Establish a Morning or Evening Ritual

    • Use the time before or after your shifts to bond. For example, have breakfast together or create a bedtime routine like reading a story, talking about the day, or sharing a quick prayer or song. This creates consistency and helps your child feel connected. Eat at the dinner table with no TV on. For those who work long shifts, connect via whatsapp, face time etc. Have a virtual catch up , negotiate your break times so you can connect with your children.

    2. Maximize Your Days Off

    • Dedicate your off days to family-focused activities like visiting parks, museums, or simply cooking and eating together. Plan these activities ahead of time to make the most of them. Involve your child in choosing the activities to build anticipation and excitement. Most National Trust places are very good for spending time as a family. More detail here

    3. Incorporate Quality Moments into Everyday Tasks

    • Turn chores or errands into fun bonding opportunities. For instance, involve your children in meal prep or grocery shopping by assigning them small tasks, like picking ingredients or organizing items at home. Play music while cooking, share your childhood playlist with them and what it was like growing up. Let them share their own playlist as well, who is their favourite artist? You will be killing so many birds with this activity from family history, present culture to understanding each others likes. Enjoy!

    4. Use Technology Thoughtfully

    • If you work long shifts or overnight, use video calls to check in during breaks or before bedtime. Leave a heartfelt message or short video for them to watch when they wake up if you’re not there.

    5. Focus on Active Listening During Limited Time

    • When you’re with your children, give them your full attention. Ask open-ended questions about their day and feelings. Avoid distractions like your phone, so they feel valued and understood. Here at intentional parenting we did a challenge a few years ago where we encouraged parents to leave their phones upstairs the first hour they get home from work. This challenge yielded incredible results. Would you try it?,

    6. It’s very important to extend grace and compassion to yourself as a parent during tough seasons of parenting. May be you are a lone parent, establish a community around you to help. Be clear and communicate your VISION as a parent so your children can understand and marry into it. If you need help to put strategies in place , speak to someone or just get some advice , get in touch with Fadzai

    Balancing work and parenting is challenging, but intentional efforts can help you stay close to your children and nurture their emotional well-being.

    What else can you add to this?

    Every blessing

    Fadzai x

  • Safeguarding and parenting

    https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-61248055

    As parents we need to be assured that these clubs and places that our children spend time are safe.

    How are you making sure that your child/ ren are in safe hands when you are not there??

    I do appreciate we cannot be everywhere as parents but we can take steps to make sure that our children are reasonably safe.

    📍Community groups/ clubs etc can be exploitated by unscrupulous people.

    🌻In our upcoming webinars in June, we explore the role of parents in safeguarding children.

    🌱Be sure to join in June

  • Brethren

    Stumbled upon this verse and I have to admit, I was astounded!

    Astounded maybe because of my inadequacies, my flawed inability to stand long enough together with fellow bethren to see their prayers answered. Yet the Lord commands us to ‘stand together UNTIL”.

    When was the last time you stood in faith with someone for those things that He answered in your own life?

    #purpose

    #bethrenhood 🙏🏽❤

  • Public speaking

    Effective speaker note

    So I have been public speaking for some time, formally in respectable circles for 5years. My career in public health formalised the role as I taught in postnatal groups. Prior to that, I had been teaching in Sunday school. These roles, helped me to horn my skills in communication. The NHS leadership program then helped me a lot in understanding the impact of being an impactful leader, public speaking being an important skill.

    Below, I share my own PERSONAL strategies and techniques that I use in public speaking. I have to admit, the majority stem from what I saw other people do, which I felt I wanted to do it differently. There is nothing worse like being at an event you regret because there is no VALUE to it.

    The tips I share below are the basics of being a guest speaker on the day. There is a lot more to be shared about posture, tone of voice, colours to wear etc. According to Business Insider, Tony Robins is the public speaking guru. Check him out for more inspirational ideas on how to nail this.❤️

    Fadzai’s Tips

    Understand WHY you have been invited to speak and DELIVER. This means, do your research and offer the attendees the value and respect they require. Yes, it may be a ‘free’ event in the sense that people aren’t paying cash at the door or via eventbrite, respect their priceless commodity TIME.

    -Preparation is key, check venue details, content requirement and communicate with the rightful people ahead of time.

    Plan your travel; clothes, traffic, venue. It is unprofessional to arrive late as a guest speaker unless there are situations outside of your control e.g traffic diversions. General traffic hiccup isn’t an excuse.

    ⁃ Arrive in PLENTY of time. Check out the layout of the building, locate the respite facilities i.e cloakroom, lavatory etc. At registration, say hello to a couple of people if you can. Create moments to network.

    ⁃ If possible sit in other guest/trainers sessions. Get a sense of your audience ( Know who asks difficult questions, quiet one, sleeping etc)

    ⁃ Check that your materials (powerpoint) and other bits are in order ahead of your session.

    ⁃ Figure out in time, at registration where the IT assistant is located so that you can solicit help if you need it.

    ⁃ Be charming and deliver with a smile. Remember to have water at hand to keep hydrated.

    ⁃ Deep breathing helps to calm the nerves thus relaxing the vocal cords.

    ⁃ Depending with the room layout, try to be centrally aligned and visible to your audience.

    ⁃ Make an effort to make an eye contact with audience right across the room.

    ⁃ If you are not sure of anything, admit, offer to go and find out. You can email answers when you find them.

    ⁃ Keep to time

    ⁃ Engage with other speakers and the host.

    ⁃ Get feedback where possible.

    ⁃ Continue networking, try not to leave as soon as your session finishes. Listen to other guest speakers, be encouraging. That’s how we grow and the same energy and encouragement will come back to you.

    – Offer constructive feedback to your host.

    ⁃ Get two/three numbers to keep in touch.

    ⁃ Be sociable, and share on social media platforms about the event. Tweet.

    Have fun, enjoy it. If the topic is something you love and are passionate about, it will show.

    Remember, this may be a one off invite, you never know who is in the audience. Impress. You may get called again and if you have a message to share, you may want more people to hear it. 💕.

    Good luck

  • Daughter’s love letter x

    Today is befitting that I should honor you publicly. You have been a source of encouragement and wisdom. You are my sounding board, always available and ready to guide and stand in prayer for me and my family.

    Orphaned at 5years of age, you have very vague memories of both your parents. You did not have an easy upbringing being cared for by older siblings and sometimes extended family. Despite the challenges you faced growing up, you chose those difficulties not to define you. Stories are told of many days that you went to bed with an empty stomach. When I have asked you about it, you said:

    “Yes, that may have happened but that was in the past, we are here now.”

    You have never looked back with any misgiving but with gratitude. You are a generous, giving and loving person. You waited long to get married so that you can extend your gratitude where it was needed first. Thank you for that.

    Strong willed and determined. I remember when I was 16years how you fought with your board of directors that I should be allowed to learn computing at your work place. It was either that or they gave you a pay increase to fund my computing lessons. There were only 4computers in the entire clothing manufacturing company that you worked. Indeed,  during that summer holiday, every Saturday  I attended ‘computing’ lessons within the human resource department of your workplace.

    I remember my very first Saturday, the payroll manager didn’t know what to do with me. The computer system was configured to do payroll and nothing else because that what his job. In the end I learnt about the computer components, switching on, off, MS word and a bit of typing. In today’s time, it may seem a waste of time but it meant the whole world to me. Those you worked with had great respect for you, your work ethic and intergrity. This particular incident placed you in a different category altogether in their eyes. Thank you baba👏🏾♥️.

    This is one of the many examples of the father you are. You have never wanted me to miss out on any opportunity in life and you still continue even though I am now married with a family of my own. You wanted me to go and study in America but I chose to be engaged and get married. You were greatly disappointed with my choice but you forgave and blessed my intentions.

    Thank you for reminding me to dream, chase after my goals and be a better version of myself. During the rare occasions that we get to talk on the phone, you are able to challenge me on my insecurities and fleeting dreams. It’s amazing how you remember most desires that I may have shared with you in conversation.

    I’m told you wanted a boy as a first born child but I came along. I remember you telling me that in your eyes I am the first born child you always wanted. You are the wind beneath my wings baba. Incredibly proud of all our achievements as your children like most parents, but you take it another notch. You never do things in half measures and I am honoured to have a tiny strik of that!

    For example, how you broke into serious tongues when they announced my name at my graduation ceremony in September 2015. The whole place went quiet as a lot of people couldn’t understand what was going on . For nearly two minutes, the Dean of faculty gave you the chance to express how you felt, those incomprehensible uttering that cannot be understood. I did understand and still do understand baba. I fought to complete that course and secure a job. You knew very well the path I had walked because you walked with me in your prayers, texts messages of encouragement and hope. It was hard losing Bridget just as I started the year long postgraduate degree.

    Your journey of faith is a profound one. Filled with so much grace and tangible mercies. Your heartfelt prayers vibrate through all your children and we stand as testimonies of a your travailing prayers. You once worshipped the ancestral spirits, got baptised under the catholic faith. Your transition into pentecostal evangelical, can only be by His grace. I have watched you grow like the tree of Lebanon and indeed your latter days are greater.

    I could write a book about you baFadzai.


    May the Lord fill your horn to overflow. May He continue to be glorified in you.

    Love you forever ❤