Intentional parenting

Category: Life in diaspora

  • Playful Parent

    We are continuing with our Affirmations challenge. Cannot believe it’s end of November already! today we’re saying to out children ‘ You are fun to be with’.

    Can your children say the same about you?

    What does fun and playfulness look like in your home? We all have different expressions of being funny, playful and enjoying life.

    For most of us African parents, we may not have seen our parents roll on the floor with laughter, tickle or cuddle us. They had their own ways of being fun. May be they enjoyed telling folktales. May be they enjoyed singing and dancing to hyms. That was their idea of fun and there is nothing wrong with that.

    The idea of being playful especially here in diaspora can seem very alien to us parents of African heritage, as everywhere you look, there are pictures or literature on Western ways of playful parenting. I would encourage you to do what feels FUN for you. Share that side of you with your children.

    Once in a while, don’t worry about the mounting bills, all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.

    Do something that makes you have belly laughs.

    Dance to your favourite music like no-one is watching.

    Hang out with the girls or boys where needed.

    Below I share some

    Tips for being playful.

    1. Embrace Playfulness: Don’t be afraid to let loose and engage in playful activities. Whether it’s a spontaneous dance party in the living room or pretending to be pirates in the backyard, embracing your inner child creates a joyful atmosphere.
    2. Create Family Traditions: Establishing fun and memorable family traditions fosters a sense of togetherness. It could be a weekly game night, Friday movie night, Pizza party, a special breakfast on Saturdays, or an annual family outing. Consistency builds anticipation and strengthens family bonds.
    3. Be Open to Spontaneity: Sometimes, the most enjoyable moments happen unexpectedly. Be open to spontaneous adventures, like a last-minute picnic in the park or a surprise movie night, bowling evening, a drive through your neighbour or some random place. Flexibility adds an element of excitement to family life.
    4. Use Humor: A good sense of humor can diffuse tension and create a lighthearted atmosphere. Share jokes, play silly games, or simply find humor in everyday situations. Laughter is a powerful tool for bonding. Be open to silliness.
    5. Incorporate Learning into Fun: Turn educational activities into enjoyable experiences. Whether it’s a science experiment at home, a nature scavenger hunt, or a creative art project, blending learning with fun makes it engaging for both you and your children.
    6. Be Present: Quality time is key to being a fun parent. Put away distractions, focus on the moment, and actively participate in your child’s world. Whether it’s reading a book together or building a fort, being fully present enhances the enjoyment.
    7. Encourage Creativity: Provide opportunities for creative expression. This could involve arts and crafts, music sessions, or imaginative play. Allowing your children to express themselves fosters a sense of autonomy and joy. Let your children see you join clubs and activists as well. Join a salsa class, go to the gym etc
    8. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s accomplishments, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement boosts their confidence and makes the learning process more enjoyable.
    9. Outdoor Adventures: Plan outdoor activities that cater to different interests. Whether it’s a nature hike, a day at the beach, or a bike ride, fresh air and physical activity contribute to a fun and healthy family dynamic.
    10. Express Affection: Show love and affection regularly. Hugs, high-fives, and words of encouragement create a positive and secure environment. Knowing they are loved unconditionally contributes to a happy and enjoyable family atmosphere.

  • Fruit of the Spirit

    At intentional parenting we run a 6am club where we share the WORD and encourage one another to walk in its TRUTH, demonstrating the love of God to those near and dear to us. One of the ways we do this is through studying the books of the Bible. This October, November and December we are in the book of Colossians.

    We are continuing reading and praying through the book of colossians. As Christian parents we are encouraged to live a life that honours God, in our conduct and actions with our children.


    Below is an inventory I have drafted taken from the fruits of the spirit scripture in Galatians 5:22. These fruits demonstrate to us as Christian parents that we are in union with the Spirit.

    I am inviting you to take stock/ inventory. Of these fruits which ones are you strong in? Which ones do you need to develop some stamina?

    You may find that there are seasons and moments when you are able to demonstrate these. Reflect on those seasons, what is happening? Why do you think you are able to be kind, patient and loving to your children sometimes and struggle in others? Jot these down under notes section.

    Below are tips/ways to develop and cultivate these qualities in your life:

    1. Prayer and Reflection: Regularly pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance in developing these virtues. Reflect on your actions and attitudes in light of the fruit of the Spirit. Have someone hold you accountable to your growth.
    2. Study Scripture: Delve into the Bible to understand the teachings and examples that embody the fruit of the Spirit. Seek wisdom from scripture to apply these principles in your daily life. The Intentional Parenting monthly bible study through the 6am club will help you with this. You can join the whatsapp group via this link
    3. Embrace Love: Actively practice love by showing kindness, forgiveness, and empathy toward others especially your children. Love is foundational to the other fruits of the Spirit. Demonstrate this with your children. Let the sisterhood of faith hold you accountable in walking in love. Love compels us to look out for each other in prayer, sharing of tips/ knowledge and ideas. Join our facebook community via think facebook page
    4. Cultivate Joy: Focus on gratitude and find joy in your relationship with God. Choose to rejoice in both good and challenging circumstances, trusting in God’s plan. The gratitude jar is also a wonderful concept. Have you tried it before?
    5. Pursue Peace: Strive to be a peacemaker in your relationships with your children. Seek resolution rather than conflict and trust God’s peace to guide your decisions. Apologise to your children when you have gotten things wrong.
    6. Exercise Patience: Develop patience by understanding that God’s timing may differ from your own. Exercise restraint in difficult situations and trust God’s plan to unfold.
    7. Practice Kindness and Goodness: Actively look for opportunities to be kind and do good to others. Let your actions reflect the kindness and goodness that God has shown you. Extend this to your children. Our whatsapp and networking community offers opportunity to interact and grow with other mothers, giving you a safe space to grow.
    8. Be Faithful: Demonstrate faithfulness by staying committed to your relationship with God, your promises, and your responsibilities. Trust in God’s faithfulness as your example. I cannot over emphasise this. There is such a rise in social isolation in our generation as people develop mis-trusting relationships. As parents of faith, loving and fellowshipping with other believers is highly commended. We believe and strive to do that in our pursuit of intentionalparenting.Why don’t you join us at the next networking event. Join our Facebook page to kept up to date
    9. Cultivate Gentleness: Approach others with gentleness and humility. Avoid harsh judgment and strive to understand different perspectives.
    10. Exercise Self-Control: Practice self-discipline in your thoughts, actions, and emotions. Seek the Holy Spirit’s help to overcome temptations and cultivate self-control.

    Remember that developing the fruit of the Spirit is a lifelong process. Continually seek God’s guidance and rely on His strength to grow in these virtues, knowing that it’s through a relationship with Him that these qualities can flourish in your life.

    Remain intentional 🌱

  • Day 12 Affirmations challenge

    In todays challenge we are reminding our children that ‘You mean a lot to our family’. It’s important these words are meaningful and substantiated by actions. Would your children agree that they feel special and mean a lot? What are the things and actions that demonstrate that?

    Below are tips that you can apply to demonstrate to your child that s/he is important.

    1. Active Listening: Pay full attention when your child speaks. Show that their thoughts and feelings matter by actively engaging in conversations. Make an effort not to use the phone or screens.
    2. Quality Time: Dedicate focused, quality time to spend with your child regularly. This reinforces the importance of your relationship in their life. This could be dinner time, school run time. Normalise having connecting time with no distractions. Some parents enjoy having 1:1 dates and it does not have to be expensive.. coffee dates, etc
    3. Celebrating Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, whether big or small. This reinforces their value and accomplishments. You can cook their favourite meal if they have been helpful in the week. Be clear what you are celebrating and refrain from celebrating academic achievement ONLY. Celebrate other virtues such as being kind, helpful, thoughtful etc.
    4. Personalized Attention: Provide individualized attention, addressing their unique needs and interests. This demonstrates that you understand and appreciate their individuality. Spend 1:1 time with your child doing the things they love.
    5. Express Affection: Regularly express affection through hugs, kisses, and verbal affirmations. Physical and verbal expressions of love emphasize their importance to you. You may not be comfortable with this if you did not grow up doing this, I would encourage you to lean onto your discomfort. You can start by hugging your child on specific times, eg when they leave home for school, when they come home, when you meet after a period of separation. You then build it up by cuddling them when on the couch together watching tv and so forth. Hugs and physical touch are good for us, they lower heart rate and blood pressure.
    6. Attend Events: Attend your child’s school events, performances, and activities. Your presence at these events communicates your active involvement and support. Negotiate with your employer so that you can attend key events and if you cannot, explain to your child in a way that they understand.
    7. Encourage Communication: Create an open and encouraging environment for your child to share their thoughts and concerns. Make it clear that their voice is heard and respected.
    8. Prioritise Safety: Ensuring your child’s safety is a tangible way of demonstrating their importance. Establishing a secure environment fosters trust and a sense of significance.
    9. Routine Check-Ins: Regularly check in with your child about their day, experiences, and feelings. It shows that you are genuinely interested in their well-being. Again the kitchen/ dining table is key for these discussions. For working parents, you can schedule a face time or video/ phone call to check on.
    10. Involve Them in Decision-Making: Include your child in age-appropriate decision-making processes. It empowers them and emphasizes that their input matters.
    11. Celebrate Special Days: Make a big deal out of their birthdays and other special occasions. Creating memorable experiences on these days reinforces their significance in your life.
    12. Create Traditions: Establish family traditions that involve your child. These can be simple routines or special activities that contribute to a sense of belonging.
    13. Display Their Artwork: Proudly showcase your child’s artwork or creations. This demonstrates that their efforts and creativity are valued. Let them know how proud you are of their creativity.
    14. Share Stories: Share stories about their childhood or family history. It fosters a sense of identity and importance in the family narrative. How about a family tree event. Talk about your own childhood. What did you enjoy the most? Who were the important people in your life . Why did you migrate?
    15. Encourage Individual Goals: Support and encourage your child in pursuing their personal goals and interests. It communicates that you believe in their potential.
    16. Celebrate Uniqueness: Embrace and celebrate the unique qualities and talents of your child. This reinforces that they are valued for who they are.
    17. Be Reliable: Be a reliable and consistent presence in your child’s life. Dependability creates a sense of security and importance.
    18. Apologize When Necessary: Acknowledge and apologize if you make a mistake. This teaches your child that their feelings and perspectives are respected.
    19. Listen Without Judgment: Create a non-judgmental space where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences without fear of criticism.
    20. Offer Encouragement: Provide regular words of encouragement. Positive reinforcement reinforces their self-worth and importance. The affirmations challenge is key here to support those. More details on this

    Remember, it’s the combination of these actions that truly conveys to your child that they are cherished and important in your life.

    For more information, on upcoming masterclass and vision board workshop, do join the facebook page to be kept up to date.

    For parenting support, contact Fadzai via this link

    Remain intentional 🌱

  • Dear Sam

    Today marks your 19th year around the sun. What a privilege and honour to witness!

    Here is my birthday letter to you :

    Happy birthday beautiful!

    As I reflect on the incredible person you’ve become, my heart swells with pride and love. Today marks another beautiful year of your life, and I want to take this moment to celebrate the remarkable journey that you are on.

    From the moment you came into this world, you brought immeasurable joy and purpose into my life. Your laughter has been my symphony, your accomplishments my pride, and your spirit my inspiration. I love your convictions and the lenses that you view the world. Your voice and opinion is so needed in this generation. You are intelligent, joyful and incredibly grounded. A great friend to many! Watching you grow into the compassionate, intelligent, and strong individual that you are has been the greatest gift I could have ever received.

    As you embrace this new chapter in your life, remember that your potential knows no bounds. You have an extraordinary light within you that radiates kindness and resilience. Keep chasing your dreams fearlessly, and know that I will always be here to support and guide you through every step of your journey. Thank you for ALL the lessons I am learning as I watch you grow. May you never stop being YOU!

    May all your gifts and talents make room for you my daughter! Your hands are incredibly blessed, that much you know. Use them as often as life allows you. Your culinary skills are commendable and worth of mentioning. Keep at it. Your sharp, critical mind will take you far, keep feeding and watering it.

    May this birthday be filled with laughter, cherished moments, and an abundance of love. Never forget how cherished and adored you are, not just today, but every single day. You and your brother are my greatest joy, and I am endlessly grateful for the privilege of being your madre

    With all my love and warmest wishes,

    Yours forever

    mum xx

  • You are enough

    When you’re feeling like you’re not enough, it’s important to practice self-compassion and employ strategies that help build your self-worth. Here are some strategies you can try:

    1. Practice self-care: Take time for activities that make you feel good, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
    2. Focus on your strengths: Remind yourself of your accomplishments and the unique qualities that make you who you are.
    3. Set realistic goals: Break down big tasks into smaller, achievable steps, and celebrate each milestone you reach along the way.
    4. Surround yourself with supportive people: Spend time with those who appreciate and value you for who you are, and who encourage your personal growth. We have an intentional parenting whatsapp group or facebook you can join here
    5. Challenge negative thoughts: Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations and remind yourself that everyone has moments of self-doubt.
    6. Help others: Volunteering or supporting others in need can help shift your focus away from self-doubt and boost your sense of purpose.
    7. Seek professional help if needed: Consider speaking with a therapist, parenting coach or counselor who can provide guidance and support for improving your self-esteem and self-worth.

    Remember, building self-worth is a gradual process, so be patient and kind to yourself as you work through these strategies.

    If you want to discuss some of this further with Fadzai, do contact via this link

    Remember You are enough!

  • Intentional Parenting affirmations challenge

    Every month of November we are taking the positive affirmation challenge.

    Research on affirmations suggests that they can have a positive impact on the brain, influencing areas related to self-worth, self-integrity, and cognitive processing. Studies indicate that practicing affirmations may help in reducing stress, enhancing resilience, and improving overall well-being. They can also contribute to a more positive mindset, increased self-esteem, and a stronger sense of control over one’s life.

    We are encouraging parents to speak positively in the lives of your children. Most of you may already be doing this. What we are emphasising is the power of spoken words into the hearts and minds of your children.

    💡Tip

    You may also want to draw out traits that you need to see more in your child. For instance you may have a child who has either of these traits; fearful , indecisive, anxious, unkind, disorganised, confused, hanging with wrong crowds, lazy, indifferent, distracted, etc.

    Speak into those traits eg where there is laziness, speak diligence, commitment etc. Talk about it with your child in a sensitive and respectful manner:

    “I see you struggle to get things done. How can I help you?”

    Listen to their suggestions and be willing to work with them. Put practical strategies to support with what needs to happen. If you identify something that you nee help with, do get in touch with Fadzai via this link

    Talk about the challenge and how you are keen to support and make a difference as a parent.

    If your child is old enough, ask if there is anything that they need you to focus/ support or pray into?

    The idea of the challenge is to make it your own and meaningful as much as possible.

    We understand the power of the SPOKEN word especially when said in faith!

    Goal

    These are some potential goals for this challenge focused on intentional parenting:

    1. Encouraging parents to prioritize quality time and meaningful interactions with their children in order to foster strong emotional bonds and promote positive child development.
    2. Empowering parents to practice mindful, conscious parenting techniques that prioritize understanding, empathy, and effective communication, fostering a supportive and nurturing family environment.
    3. Promoting the importance of setting clear boundaries and consistent discipline strategies to help children develop self-discipline, responsibility, and healthy decision-making skills, ultimately contributing to their overall well-being and character development.
    4. Highlighting the significance of promoting emotional intelligence and resilience in children through intentional conversations, positive reinforcement, and modeling healthy emotional expression, thus equipping them with essential life skills for managing and navigating their emotions effectively.

    What you need for this challenge is to speak these AFFIRMING words into your child. If you are christian we encourage you to do it prayerfully.

    I encourage you to be creative, wild and think outside the box on how you want to do this.

    Below are examples of what you can do:

    Bedroom door.

    Affirmation JAR

    Choose a consistent time that works for you and your household. For example, a working from home parent may choose a time when the child/ ren are at school to surprise them when they come home each day with an affirmative word.

    Another parent may choose to share the word with child, pray together into that Affirmative word and may ask the child to stick it on the door.

    📌Do what works well for you and your child.

    Encourage the teens and young adults living at home to participate. Let them know you are taking the challenge. With this cohort of children, they may not be overly interested, do not lose heart. They need these WORDS more than than you can imagine. For Christian parents, you may want to pray into their rooms on your own each day using that AFFIRMATIVE word and then stick it on their bedroom door.

    For those of you with a children who share a bedroom, use different coloured post notes for each child so you can differentiate.

    If you do not have post it notes, use plain paper and coloured pen/ markers/ highlighters/ eg black pen, green, red or blue.

    Some of you may prefer to use digital notes. Use what is easier and best for you. This may work well with children who are not living at home may be in boarding schools, college, uni or left the nest altogether.

    Be as creative and wild as you want with this.

    As a parent remember to speak positively to yourself as well:

    I am a loving parent

    I am doing a great job

    I am raising the future

    I am the best parent for my child

    I am learning

    I am enough

    I am growing

    I am impactful

    I am open minded

    I am qualified to parent.

    I love what I do.

    The Challenge

    “Positive Parenting Affirmation Challenge”
    “🌟✨ Join our #IntentionalParentingAffirmationChallenge #IPAC and share your daily affirmations for a happier, more fulfilling parenting journey! Let’s uplift our children and spread the joy of positive parenting one affirmation at a time.

    🌈 Tag us and inspire others to embrace the power of positivity! Use these hashtags #ParentingPositivity #Affirmations #IntentionalParenting #IPAC

    Follow Intentional parenting socials via links below for updates and inspiration.

    Do share with your friends, families and colleagues.

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/intentionalparentings

    Instagram : I’m on Instagram as intentional_parenting. https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=1ja8yyio9fp65&utm_content=3bmfqzz

  • Praying through Colossians

    For the next months of October, November and December we will be praying, reflecting and meditating on this book. It promises to be an incredible time of feasting on the WORD, growing your knowledge muscle and exercising your faith.

    More details here

  • Summer 2023

    Join us for an epic summer as we look to have fun with our families. The activities we have chosen are either FREE or cheap to do over the 6 weeks break.

    These are some of the activities we are encouraging you to do with your families. What do you think?

    More easy to do activities as well. Share with your children. Let them identify the things they would like to do.

    Our challenge to ALL our families this summer 2023, is for you to visit your local MUSEUM and WOODLAND. Our research shows that black families rarely visit these places. That may be different for you and your family and that is good. For the rest, during this 6week school break, let’s visit our local museum, parks, woodlands, walking trails etc. Most of them are free and may have subsidied activities for children of different age groups.

    When you have visited the Museum, or Park, tag us in your photos with #intentionalparenting #IPsummer23

    We also would like you to visit your local woodland. Did you know that only 1% of visitors to UK national parks are from Black, Asian or ethnic minority backgrounds according to the research here.

    More walking trails and ideas here as well.

    For a bonus week, how about a visit to a farm? Check Odd farm here. You can check your local area for farms where you can visit.

    Or even better this AMAZING and super packed FREE activities in Milton Keynes!

    Most of the activities at the Milton Keynes Festival you need to book tickets, so use think link here

    OPERA!

    Have you been to see an opera with your child/ ren? Again this is another activity where black families are usually under represented. Yes opera’s and theatre can be expensive sometimes. Below is a very good offer that families can take… Let us know if you will be going to theatre/ Opera this summer.

    The offer is here

    And we have gone further afield with incredible deals and affordable day outs. Check out these places. First is this amazing paradise with everything to cater for every child hobbledown heath. If you are near Northamptonshire, a visit to stanwick lakes especially on a hot summers day (when the weather decides to play ball) will be great fun. Check them out as well!

    In Windsor there is this incredible park as well.

    How about an EPIC summer camping? Check this event here . This is packed with amazing activities for all ages and it’s in Kent! Let us know if you will be attending.

    This 👆🏾programme is a GAME CHANGER for all 16-18year olds! Look out for their summer program next year and be sure to involve your teen. Click here for more details

    To participate in this SIX weeks summer challenge, join our whatsapp group running from 24th of July to 4th of September. This will be a place to encourage, inspire one another and also share further ideas. Let’s kill the ‘I am bored mantra’ by being prepared and organised parents. Here is to Summer 2023!!

    Link to join us via here whatsapp

    Subscribe to our mailing list below so you are kept up to date with activities and events that we are up to:

  • Hey Mama

    To all mums, are you checking in with your #momfriends?

    Let’s normalise having these deep conversations. If this is your first time seeing our #intentionalcheckin, is this something you will be able to do with your community/ support network/ village?

    One of the challenges of modern day parenting is social isolation. Yes we may have so many followers/ fans, be in so many social media groups be it whatsapp/ facebook, threads, you name it.

    Yet we feel so alone!

    Developing those meaningful relationships becomes key as we seek to thrive in this parenting game. You may argue that ‘me I do not need anyone apart from my children or husband’

    What about your children? How are you teaching/ showing them the power of community and positive network?

    ‘Your children are watching and learning from you on how to live. Inspire them’

    Wilferd Peterson

    My observations and personal experiences is that you only need 2 or 3 people that you connect with at this level of doing this proper check in. People you can HONESTLY tell about the exciting and challenging things in your life.

    If you have 1 or 2 people you trust, invest in those relationships. Diarise those catch ups and honour them because life is very busy especially as parents.

    Depending with the ages of your children
    , you can use this as family check in as well. Why don’t you give it ago. Try at dinner time to check in with everyone..

    Number 4 is also very important, that questions is often underplayed yet a game changer.

    If you are not able to find practical help, in so many other ways, PRAY, Listen, signpost.

    We all can help.

    If you would like to discuss #momfriendship, need some ideas, support, signpostage,… book a confidential 1:1 consultation here

    May be you need someone to pray with you over this issue… do reach out via the consultation line on link here

    Here is to thriving and flourishing in parenting.

    Yours in the trenches with you

    Fadzai x

  • Hello July 2023

    We are here , 7th month of the year and if you are anything like me, surprised at how time is flying! We are finally in the second half of the year and we all know summer time goes quickly.

    With that said, how do you prepare for the new month? Some people like to set intentions, find a word for the month, go out for a family meal, do a family activity, others fast for a day. What’s key is to do what works for you and your family. Setting family traditions/ rituals has been found to help keep families connected and thriving.

    For most Christian families we may well remember that the beginning or end of the month normally involve corporate gathering together to pray and give thanks. Some call it an all night prayer, empowerment night, night vigil etc. This is very biblical as we read in Old Testament the importance of beginning and end of seasons. It’s time to reflect on Gods goodness and mercy. May be the first half of the year was challenging, how do you anticipate to navigate the next half? Probably it was thrilling and exciting, how do you want to continue building on that?

    Living a life of intention helps to keep you focussed and motivated on your goals as parents. It’s not so much about the big ideas but the small everyday traditions that make a huge impact. It matters how you start the day.

    One of the key things I am passionate about is the dinner table. This has been transformative for us as a family. The discussions and conversations we have had whilst eating have been powerful and would never have happened if we watched TV whilst eating.

    This is a habit that I highly recommend to all families especially with younger children. You want to set that expectation before they become teens who want to do their own thing and spend as little time with you as possible. Laying that expectation early will yield some much needed benefits later on. If you have not been doing it, it’s never too late. Be prepared to do the ground work though 😀

    For more details on setting intentions, seizing the month and our annual vision board workshop coming soon, be sure to subscribe to our email list so you are kept update of what is going.

    To find out how I can help you achieve your parenting goals, do contact me via email below or book a FREE consultation via link here

    Wishing you a blessed and impactful month.