Intentional parenting

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  • Summer-saults

    The saga continues

    So far summer has been bliss. The planning has taken the pressure of me in amazing ways. Prayer and lots of it has gone into this planning. The idea is to have an enjoyable and memorable summer. For us as parents, the reality of our children growing too fast and time sipping through our fingers has become such poignant truth.

    We are keen to make the memories of today meaningful both now and for generations to come. That takes time and being intentional. Intentional of our family time, activities we do or don't do together and how we spend time with other people. Being away from each is great, as the distance makes the heart grow fonder.

    An incident that happened during the half term taught me to be more organise when it comes to the children's time and their friends.

    What exactly happened was that I was sitting on the train, on my way to work when at exactly 8am, a text message came inviting my daughter for a shopping trip with a friend the following day. Of course, it was school half term and I had forgotten to fill this one day of the half term week with activities and appointments. The predicament was that I had said no to a couple of invitations before, to this particular dear friend. It was a matter of timing and other family commitments.
     

    I was well spent financially, and I would have needed to organise the pick up, drop off etc. Not what I expected on that day. My daughter thinks the world of this particular dear friend. Yes, they have recently started high school together and they 'clicked'.

    I had filled the 5 out of 7days in a week with things to do. We had friends over for bank holiday Monday. Both adults and children, enjoyed the company, conversations and cuisine. We then visited another dear friend, 50miles each way and had a truly magical time on that Tuesday. Forget the food bill befitting the 21st century 2 teen instagram postings. Come Wednesday, both children had play dates and a sleepover whilst I ran around chauffeuring them. I also busied myself with lastminute preparations for the new job the following day some miles away from home. Hubby was off  the next day and took our cherubs for bowling and eat out. Girl done good, I told myself.

    Until that morning and this text message, I had been absorbed in my own little world. I had done what most mothers do for their children. Since primary school days, I know how critical play dates are. My thinking was that at her  age my daughter can now sort her play dates. Since this was never mentioned at the agreed 'three days before' I assumed we were all fair and square.

    At this stage, I decided not to feel bad about it. I was on my second day in a new job, away from home. I was trying my best to make sense of my new world. My plate was full. In actual fact,  in my mind I had planned for a mother- daughter time at my mother church on the morrow. Great opportunity to see my wonderful mother Bishop/ mentor/ teacher and inteccessor and of course my delightful cousin sister and her two beautiful girls. My daughter does not think attending church events is really spending quality time with me. I totally get it.

    Personally, I feel it's a good opportunity to catch up with each other as well as other fellow like minded and inspiring sisters. A woman needs to be surrounded by like minded women, to inspire and challenge, so I tell her. We have managed to make the arrangement work with a lot of persuasion and bargaining. We alternate the dates, She comes with me to my events and next time we do something that she loves, usually fancy eat outs.

    Anyway, back to the text message. At 5:35 pm, I was back on the train on my way home. It dawned on me that I had not responded to the message. I had made this poor woman and her daughter wait 😟. Thats a no no. It does not help with the repertoire malarkey. Why does a mother have to go through all this?! You can imagine my emotional turmoil. At this stage I emotionally spent, having spent a solid 8hours trying to prove why I got the job and my worthiness. And now this. How do I say no to this invite and this late? I hate explaining myself in text messages for that matter. Is it not enough that I am trying to be a positive role model to my children,  organised,  working hard, making a difference and being balanced? I hate coming short. 

    I felt terrible for ruining my daughter's social life. How was she going to cope with no friends at school? What about missing out on all those instagram/ snapchat stories about the shopping weekend that she wasn't part of? Could this be emotional abuse or neglect? Who knows. At this point, life sucks. Don't mention how I was going to break it down to her when I got home! It's an emotional roller coaster.

    Somehow, there is a part in me that feels our daughter is fragile and vulnerable as a young woman. It's not a question of gender but the flaws in her personality. She thinks well of everyone, very trusting at the same time incredibly opiniated. Furthermore, some of big brother's experiences have left us slightly wary of these social outings. We allow him because he is 17years old and soon to go and find his space in the adult world in no time. The boy needs to practice being responsible and accountable so we tell ourselves.

    I remember vividly another culture shock incident that happened when our daughter was in primary school aged 5years. I had agreed to a play date only to cancel it on the day a few hours before because of other family commitments.  In my own head, I didn't think it was a problem. However,  this wasn't the case with her friend who went on to have a full melt down. The whole thing was a mess to say the least. You can imagine how unhappy the mother was. Luckily, I explained my oversight and she was willing to fill me in on my cultural gap. Never again, have I done that!

    This culture around play dates can be very complex and intimidating. It is critical that I send the right message to my children without disrespecting their friends as well as the friends' parents. My children are also learning about managing social dynamics. O what a cobweb we weave!

    As mothers, we have to be kind to ourselves. There is no such thing called perfect parenting but good parenting.  I have learnt that saying no is a good thing for them as well. So in the end it was finalised that there was not going to be a shopping trip. 

    I owe her friend a date, thankfully that's all sorted. Here is to us off to write our own story in the sand.

     

    Lessons I have personally learnt:

    – Your children need friends, it's a basic human need. It's important to know who they befriend. Birds of the same feather flock together and that is so true. As they grow older it's good to guide them to make that fundamental decision themselves. 

    High school play dates and dynamics can be a tsunami. We are trying to work it all out and it's a journey we have to go through with our youngest. What makes it all complex is the little connection we have with their friends and their families. When they were in primary school, we knew the parents from the playground and we arranged the play dates as mothers.

    Now we are having to rely on what our children tell us about their friends. Yes, some of them you meet them with their parents at the parents evening etc. There is not enough time nor conducive atmosphere to sass each other out and work through the layers, masks and airs that we carry as parents on such occasions.

    The lack of time, to be involved in school activities, PTA, bingo and quiz nights doesn't help. How do we create that time as first generation migrant families? How do we prioritise our children without neglecting our parents and even ourselves?

    – Living in a diverse and multi-cultural society, it can present a lot of challenges. As a mom, follow your gut instinct. A good friend and their family will respect your family values and beliefs.

    -Be organised and proactive about dates, sleepovers etc. For me the idea of our daughter being invited all the time is what I struggle with. My idea of summer break/ school holiday/ half term is for us as a family to catch up. Up until now, I assumed that was absolutely fine. So I'm taking the initiative to invite.

    – It also transpires that play dates are mostly for childcare purposes. Sad as it may sound, it's the truth.

    -Activities do not have to cost an arm and a leg. Best things in life are still free ; libraries, museums, picnics, church activities and a walk in the woods. National Trust membership is a great bargain for history and culture activities.

    – Holiday breaks are not a luxury but a necessity. With good planning,they shouldn't cost a fortune. 

    – Comminicate, communicate and comunicate. 

    -Be compassionate; Understand and emphathise with your children. It's hard trying to fit in. Teenagers especially, due to their brain development struggle with identity, worse off if there is culture clash. Be in their world, invite their friends over and get to know them.

    – Encourage them to take up sports, arts or other extra curriculum activities. This is an investment that pays for itself.

    – Choose your battles carefully. The adage ' better to win the war than battle' cannot be emphasised.

    Happy holidays x

    Hope makes a way ❤

  • Summer-saults.

    Musings of a transnational mama:

    Two weeks of summer holidays already gone, time flies indeed. Summer holidays are fun.

    For many parents it’s a lovely break from the school run and early mornings. They can be a blessing summer holidays. A time to reflect and renew together as a family. A time to mellow on the memories of yesteryear. For some families summer is the transitioning from either early years to primary or even primary to high school. What an emotional roller coaster! We have been there and done that a few times. 
    Thankfully, we are on hold for now. Next year will be a totally different story. Big brother will be completely done with school, did I say that? Yes, and heaven knows how I am going to cope.

    Until then, I am focussing on now, the present. At the beginning of summer our two completed the comprehensive list of things to do for summer. This includes play dates with whom, when and where.

    I have since learnt that school holidays, teenagers and their friends can be a conundrum. Actually, the lack of planning from a parents’ point can be very detrimental. This is an area that has been challenging for me since our two have transitioned into adolescence and being in high school.

    With big brother, it wasn’t much of an issue as the group of ‘lads’ he hung out with seemed pretty ok. Big brother went to a local well resourced and sought after selective high school. Being a social butterfly that he is, he befriended 5boys, fondly known as ‘the lads’. Me and hubby had the privilege of meeting these pedigrees and their parents at big brother’s 12th birthday, 6months into high school. A lovely bunch of parents with sound moral standards, good careers, positive and firm aspirations for their children. Typical authoritative parents, sensitive, intuitive and insightful. We fell in love with them and felt motivated and encouraged. Easily done we felt.

    During the school holidays, throughout the 4years of secondary school, the lads met quite often outside of school. These meetings varied from the adventurous sleepovers, camping in the garden, playing in the woods, cinema trips etc. We did not have a problem with the long tracks to their residences and back. We got to know the lads, and they enjoyed our company, the take aways, sleep overs at our house as well as banter with little sis. What more could you ask for?

    Fast forward to our darling daughter starting high school. The dynamics are a labyrinth. She is a winter baby and her birthday was a few months after starting high school. The poor girl wanted to hang out with her old primary school friends, catch up over some warm cheesy pizza, ice cream and ofcourse shopping. She was as good as gold. What a missed opportunity for us to meet her future bffs, squad and gang!!  These are young women who have now become the centre of her world, aspirations and dreams. She now gets invited to sleepovers, shopping sprees, cinema, restaurants on every school break. And that is hard, hard for me as a momma bear assigned to protect her cubs. ‘ I don’t know these people, I tell myself.’ How do I trust them with my jewel and treasure? My job in safeguarding children doesn’t help at this stage.

    I recall a few years back when my cherubs were 6 and 18months and family friends with older children were anxious about the summer holidays. I couldn’t fathom what the drama was all about. For us, it was a longed for break from early school runs and pick up. What a perfect time for lie ins, late nights movie binge, picnics in the garden, bike rides in the cul de sac, impromptu braai with friends, trips to the museum and maybe a day or two in London. Life couldn’t be perfect. We even caught the infamous Nottinghill carnival.

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    Anyway, now with two teens in the house, I find myself rather unsettled and concerned about these loooooong school holidays. Why can’t they just stay in school? Right now I am a cruel, insensitive mother, you can judge and call me that.
    I would implore you to keep your judgment until you understand my anxieties. Summer holidays are tricky in terms of managing the time effectively and giving your teens a sense of direction whilst maintaining a level of sanity and a decent bank balance. Don’t mention big brother needing encouragement to revise for the all important A’levels.
     I now appreciate that these results aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. I deal with teens suffering significant mental health due to pressure from peers, parents and society at large. My heart goes out to them. And with that, the pressure has come off our two, not completely.. but we are working on it and very mindful 😊

    The unavailability of extended family in diaspora can present a lot of challenges in terms of childcare and socialising. In most cases, our children socialise with their friends and it is a good thing. However, I cannot seem to break away from the longing of playing with cousins and making memories that endure the test of time. You know those visits to the rural areas, during the school holidays, tending to the fields, fetching water from the well, sitting around the fire waiting for the running chicken drum stick whilst having teary, stinging eyes from the smoke?. And the epic, taking a bath by the river. These kind of experiences is what I long for, for my two.

    There is a significant part of me that feels I should package my children neatly and send them off to be with grandparents for the summer. Once I have done the number crunching, it becomes apparent that the sums do not add up. So we are stuck right here for now. Moreover, I have now learnt that evenings with grandparents nowadays are spent watching Isindigo or Muvhango 😳🤓

    How is your summer holiday panning out? Share some love and ideas. Don’t forget to comment and share article with loved ones.

    Enjoy the summer break, make memories and look after each other. Be hopeful always ❤

  • The woman in me

    Woke up today feeling rather exhausted. It’s been a month since I started my new job. Reality has since set in and I have found myself busier than anticipated. That certainly has had a knock on effect on my mental and emotional health.  The English weather and the commute has not helped. The train commute isn’t bad, it’s the driving through packed, smokey and hot London tarmac roads that does my head in. For sanity’s sake I will not mention the parking.

    The weather tops it all for me. The need to be comfortable and practical is a must. However, the English weather remains unpredictable. You never know when it is going to rain or whether the sunny spell will last the 12hours whilst you are at work. It is hard. One has to think about what to wear and how that can adapt to the weather too. It’s a problem I had anticipated hence I chose a uniform. If you have read my previous blog on the day before the new job, I bought some lovely, comfortable navy blue slacks to wear with plain white t shirts and pumps. Well, today I decided otherwise as it was going to be warm. Besides, my daughter had decided to wear my t-shirts at home 🤣. 

    Feeling rather unmotivated and wanting to get into the office early for a busy day ahead, I just grabbed the clean and cotton dress that I could find. It’s the African ankara dress mama got tailor made for me. It fits well and that’s all I needed so I could catch the earlier train. Thankfully, I made it after sprinting a good 5mins! The joys of commuting, I keep telling myself, you are getting fit girl!🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️

    Anyway, I walk into work and I get lots of compliments on this particular dress. I get lots of nods and smiles from ‘sisters’ with a look of approval. It dawns on me that the dress is making a statement that I had not perceived before. When I walked into the office, colleagues exclaimed how they like my dress. I chuckle to myself and just smile. Comments are made with the British niceness and political correctness that I have become familiar with but still unsettling.

    The dress is addressing my identity and all that I represent. Someone remarked that the dress has made them feel homesick, as I reminded them of where they come from. Amazing how a piece of clothing can conjure so many emotions at all levels. Then there is the senior colleagues I met in the corridors with the look of ‘wow’. That’s me there affirmed! The beauty of working with a very diverse community is that you find your sisterhood.  These are the women who identify with you and what you are all about. These are women who have walked your journey or are on the same path with you.  Your stories, struggles and strength are entwined and become the given. Your journey is easily understood without having to explain yourself.

    Today I didn’t  wake up, wanting to draw attention to myself, I didn’t feel that way at all. However, I’m glad that the day turned out the way it did. For the rest of the day, I had a spring in my step and a conviction in my heart that I will get there. There, for me, is a place of effectiveness and relevance. 

    The dress reminded me that it’s not so bad after all. I am African. I am a strong African woman. The dress allowed me to have small talk with a few more people than before. This dress addresses the woman in me, a woman on a Journey. 


    That has been the highlight of my day! 

    Hopeful ❤

     

  • When it Takes Being Thrown to Learn How to Land

    http://longreads.com/2017/06/30/when-it-takes-being-thrown-to-learn-how-to-land/. Beautiful read ❤

  • Fortitude

    The willingness or ability to go through challenging times with grace. Is it a gift, talent or inborn ability that is sharpened and honed through experience?

    I was privileged to have met and worked with some young women who survived the genocide in Rwanda. Their stories of horror, escape, loss and terror can only be heard once. The impact of their experiences on their bio-psychosocial well being was immense. What was amazing about these women was their willingness and ability to share their story. Very compelling. 

    I also worked with vulnerable families in parts of London. Stories of parents who were hooked on drugs, unable to parent their adorable children confronted me on most days. It was the case of a mother of 3, youngest was same age as my daughter, who had succumbed to the deadly addiction of heroin that broke my heart and I never went back. Their struggle, took the best out of them. Is it these kind of experiences from a distance that make us hold our own with dignity?

    Not privileged to compare or contrast the challenges of life, I look myself in the mirror with admiration. I am a fortiduous woman. Am I comparing myself to the above mentioned women? Not at the least. I have been fortunate, life has been kind and God has been gracious. I have been in the ring and He fought my battles. I’m grateful that I didn’t stay down too long for the referee to whistle a defeat. I could have been that mother, but Mercy spoke into my life and stood on my behalf.

     In my first blog, ‘Transnational parenting’  I explored the issue of postnatal depression. These sort of experiences, you only realise the depth, once you are the other side. Gods grace and love carries us through in those seasons, when we are just a shell being battered to and fro by the sea waves. One becomes a pearl,  a product of admiration and worth through the struggles. What’s amazing is that I was not that aware of His presence and sustainance then. I knew about Him as a God, not friend, helper. That one person I can have a relationship with. He has been gracious on this wonderful journey and I am getting to know Him better.

    Our experiences in life may want to define us at times.  It is up to us how we deal with that.  People around us or those who know us and our story may want to define us that way. Ultimately, the decision lies with you. The woman with the issue of blood in the Bible is one such character. She was associated/ identified with her problem. I guess when she was healed, people had to refer to her as the woman who was healed of the issue blood.


    Fortitude takes many forms. I could never have anticipated or imagined the pain of losing a sibling or loved one. It’s crippling! I was confused and literally dying too. The shock, pain and reality of that loss was incomprehensible. Death is painful to everyone but I guess it gets so complicated when you are abroad. The long flight home, being in transit, jet lag, the mourners and the  funeral itself. How do you eat the reheated airline food when your heart is sorrowful and heavy? 

    When you arrive you succumb to the heat, noises, decision making,  the crying and ofcourse the peering eyes. They will always be those who want to see what you are wearing and what you brought. I had not even taken a shower! Let alone travelled 15hours, passing through the equator in transit for that matter. Nearly missed the flight due to road works and traffic. How does one deal with all that in one go?

    My sister was bright, colourful and vivacious. She loved and understood my family and they got her too. Being single, she could afford the time to be with them whenever we visited home. They loved that, and I did too. The laughter they shared. She cared. She was a dreamer and goal getter. At most, she was a mother to my children  that I am not; patient, laid back and a child at heart.

    Then there is the other small but equally demanding stuff of fitting into a different society and culture. That, requires courage right there. I know a friend who couldn’t do ‘the London thing’ and had to go back home. She tells me she could not be happier; got a beautiful home in the westen suburbs, lovely job and her children are doing really well in a good private school. 
    It takes fortitude and a whole lot more to settle in diaspora. It is a far cry  from the glitz and glamour most people imagine it to be. It’s grafting in gruelling long hours. I’m reminded of the days I worked on the farm. That was my first job. Boy did I not cry my eyes out on the onion line.

    I recall making a long distance call after  first day at work to my mother and bowling on the phone booth. If you recall, these were public phones and there two other people waiting to use the phone.  I cried for the entire duration of my £5 worth of calling scratch card. Bless my poor mother, she kept saying to me:

    ‘Taura neni otherwise card rinopera”, meaning please talk to me before the phone credit finishes. 

    Indeed, the phone credit finished and I went home, straight to bed. In the morning I woke up and went to work. What was equally painful was hearing my then 1year old son babbling in the background.

    For me fortitude is an idea and a choice. I choose to be courageous for those who couldn’t. Whilst doing nursing degree I met some middle aged African nurses who had come under the adaption nurses program. These women were dynamic and highly skilled nurses who held positions of authority and high office in their home country. The cultural shift and expectation had left them as a mere pair of helping hands on the wards. Their despair and frustration was not hidden from their faces. It was ‘them’ who silently taught me to be fortidous. It is for them and many others that we stand and are courageous. 

    Above all, it is for those coming after us. Those who have a privilege of watching us closely, that we demonstrate courage in the face of fear. It is for our sons and daughters. 

    📌The issues of death, loss and bereavement can be crippling especially when you are abroad where you have to get on with it. The reality of expenses incurred to attend the funeral and the funeral itself can be soul destroying. It’s important to seek help, from family and friends if there are physically and emotionally there. In U.K. that’s quite rare, your GP can refer you on for counselling, talking therapies or to charities that deal with bearevement and loss.

    📌The same can be said of issues at work. Talking to someone about the challenges you are facing is good. This may not solve all your problems but it gives you thinking space. Hearing your own thoughts through voice can be liberating and empowering. Many a times, for those who are Christians, we leave everything in prayer. Prayer is great but it needs to be followed by action which is faith. Finding an independent counselling service is better.  Your union is a great source for advice and guidance, you are paying them, make use of their services.
    In U.K. migrant family support offer great services around the issues discussed. They can be contacted in their website signposted below:

    Life is for living. Live it to the full in good health, mind, body and spirit.

    Finally, be courageous and confident, for the Lord your God is with you always (Joshua 1, summarised).

    Courageous hope ❤
     

    http://migrantfamilysupport.co.uk/

  • Love wins.

    It feels good to be back to writing again. I have been away from the blog due to work commitments. I normally write whilst on the train commuting to and from work. The past few days I have been driving due to change in location of where I was working.

    Anyway, I attended a training on Prevent. Those in U.K. would know about this training. It is about learning strategies to combat terrorism. The fundamental of this training is that we all should look out for those who are vulnerable amongst us and at risk of been radicalised. Terrorism is indeed a global phenomena and it takes all forms. 

    In a bid to educate and be educated we talk about current affairs on the dinner table with our teens. Their understanding of their world is very complex. Our slightly more mature son thinks differently to our passionate, feisty political daughter. My daughter feels we all need to love and respect one another regardless of where we come from or are based. She feels it’s wrong to mourn the loss of life in Manchester when the same even younger children are being killed in Syria. Rightfully so! We applaud her thinking and passion for the rights of all humanity.

    We realise that our daughter loves to debate and she is able to think on her feet. Proud, yes we are. The environment she is in, fosters that kind of thinking and the need to express oneself. It is a good thing. We encourage that in our family. However, it doesn’t stop us realising her vulnerabilities too. Because she feels so strongly about certain things, in a wrong crowd she can fall prey to evil people. There are people who are waiting to feed our passions. These are the recruiters and radiclisers.

    As parents, we continue to have conversations with our teens and channel their thinking in the right direction. 

    Our children want to be heard. They want us to put our phones away while we talk to them. When we do that, they will do the same when we are talking to them too. 

    Our children want our time more than anything else. Prioritise them and they will do the same. Let’s love one another and save the lives of our children from terrorism. 
    As parents, let us be empowered and keep our children safe. We all are vulnerable at some point in life but we do not need to be radicalised.  For those whose children have turned away and are on the verge of being radicalised, talk to someone. There is help available. I believe those who went to Syria, their families saw the gradual changes in them but did not what to do. Often times, in our challenges as parents we can feel overhemeled and confused. Talking to someone helps.
    Those who haven’t accessed the training or heard about it, there is a link below. For those reading from outside U.K. please access the link if you can. Terrorism is everywhere. Choose to be empowered today.

    The training is provided by the Home office and can easily be accessed on their website.👇🏾

    https://www.elearning.prevent.homeoffice.gov.uk/la/m/screen3

    Hope conquers 💞
    P.S Please comment , like, share and follow the blog. Remember sharing is caring 

  • The blessing that makes one rich and adds no sorrow ❤

    What a privilege it is to wake up to God’s promises!

    I was looking through the photos and came across this family photo that was taken last August 2016 in Copenhagen. It melted my heart. God has been good and gracious to us.


    It has not always been like this. As a family, we have had our share of ups and downs, we have struggled as well as felt overwhelmed. We have also felt like giving up on each other as a couple as well as sending our children to be with grandparents in Zimbabwe.

    Life is challenging, family life is complex. For us parenting in diaspora made the whole mix extremely complex. The lack of social support and extended family makes it challenging. Our expectations for each other and our children change and keep on changing. That’s growth right?

    Growth is a great thing as long as you do it together as a family. It’s very easy to grow apart especially here in UK due to work patterns and economic demands coupled by Black Tax. As our children have grown, we have decided to be an INTENTIONAL couple. We normally have a scheduled time daily, no phones and just us 2, to catch up on each other. I have taken working hours that are more family friendly as well so I can be home with the kids. It takes sacrifice and communicating your vision to each other as a family and to the wider extended family circles. Happy couples make great parents.

    The greatest thing we did is, we decided to partner with God. We realised we just couldn’t make it on our own. There is so much peace that one has when you handover something to someone else, it becomes their issue and agenda.

    I remember when our amazing daughter was born. It was hubby’s first hand experience of looking after a baby all by himself.  Our wonderful son was born in Zim with all the help from extended family and nannies. The first day I left the three of them, I cried all the way to the nursing placement. I was worried about how hubby would cope with the baby as he was working  nights as well. We had decided that I would stay on the nursing course despite all health and safety issues from University and Occupational health. Indeed, I went to Uni on a Friday and gave birth on the Sunday.  Being on 3year student visa, we didn’t want to jeopardise that. I returned to placement when baby was only two weeks old. Those are the unspoken sacrifices that migrants make due to government policies. Those who have experienced Home office service, beaurocracy and the extortius fees know what I mean.

    No words can describe what a blessing our daughter is, incredibly strong willed, feisty, loving, caring, smart and definitely a daddy’s girl. I learnt to be focused and strategic as a mum of 2 and mature student. Since giving birth, all my assignments were completed with A grades. I couldn’t afford to fail. That was followed by passing my much needed driving lessons. i had to learn to drive and learn FAST as I was catching 3 buses to and from Uni!

    God promises us that He cares and loves our families more than anything. That is the confidence we have.

    It takes a lot of faith and trust to believe and see the promises of God come to pass. Many a times, things may seem to get worse before they get better. As a family, we are encouraged by some of our answered prayers. We also know some families personally, who are walking in Gods promises and that inspires us. We continue to hope and trust in Him. The verse below summarises our mission as a family. Looking to the Lord for help always. We love the assurance in “never”, what a promise!!

    “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame”. ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    This is our journey, hope you have been inspired. Would love to hear how your journey as a family is panning out.

    Be hopeful, always ❤

  • Daughter’s love letter x

    Today is befitting that I should honor you publicly. You have been a source of encouragement and wisdom. You are my sounding board, always available and ready to guide and stand in prayer for me and my family.

    Orphaned at 5years of age, you have very vague memories of both your parents. You did not have an easy upbringing being cared for by older siblings and sometimes extended family. Despite the challenges you faced growing up, you chose those difficulties not to define you. Stories are told of many days that you went to bed with an empty stomach. When I have asked you about it, you said:

    “Yes, that may have happened but that was in the past, we are here now.”

    You have never looked back with any misgiving but with gratitude. You are a generous, giving and loving person. You waited long to get married so that you can extend your gratitude where it was needed first. Thank you for that.

    Strong willed and determined. I remember when I was 16years how you fought with your board of directors that I should be allowed to learn computing at your work place. It was either that or they gave you a pay increase to fund my computing lessons. There were only 4computers in the entire clothing manufacturing company that you worked. Indeed,  during that summer holiday, every Saturday  I attended ‘computing’ lessons within the human resource department of your workplace.

    I remember my very first Saturday, the payroll manager didn’t know what to do with me. The computer system was configured to do payroll and nothing else because that what his job. In the end I learnt about the computer components, switching on, off, MS word and a bit of typing. In today’s time, it may seem a waste of time but it meant the whole world to me. Those you worked with had great respect for you, your work ethic and intergrity. This particular incident placed you in a different category altogether in their eyes. Thank you baba👏🏾♥️.

    This is one of the many examples of the father you are. You have never wanted me to miss out on any opportunity in life and you still continue even though I am now married with a family of my own. You wanted me to go and study in America but I chose to be engaged and get married. You were greatly disappointed with my choice but you forgave and blessed my intentions.

    Thank you for reminding me to dream, chase after my goals and be a better version of myself. During the rare occasions that we get to talk on the phone, you are able to challenge me on my insecurities and fleeting dreams. It’s amazing how you remember most desires that I may have shared with you in conversation.

    I’m told you wanted a boy as a first born child but I came along. I remember you telling me that in your eyes I am the first born child you always wanted. You are the wind beneath my wings baba. Incredibly proud of all our achievements as your children like most parents, but you take it another notch. You never do things in half measures and I am honoured to have a tiny strik of that!

    For example, how you broke into serious tongues when they announced my name at my graduation ceremony in September 2015. The whole place went quiet as a lot of people couldn’t understand what was going on . For nearly two minutes, the Dean of faculty gave you the chance to express how you felt, those incomprehensible uttering that cannot be understood. I did understand and still do understand baba. I fought to complete that course and secure a job. You knew very well the path I had walked because you walked with me in your prayers, texts messages of encouragement and hope. It was hard losing Bridget just as I started the year long postgraduate degree.

    Your journey of faith is a profound one. Filled with so much grace and tangible mercies. Your heartfelt prayers vibrate through all your children and we stand as testimonies of a your travailing prayers. You once worshipped the ancestral spirits, got baptised under the catholic faith. Your transition into pentecostal evangelical, can only be by His grace. I have watched you grow like the tree of Lebanon and indeed your latter days are greater.

    I could write a book about you baFadzai.


    May the Lord fill your horn to overflow. May He continue to be glorified in you.

    Love you forever ❤

  • UK elections

    UK elections

    Praying for our government as we await the results. May Godly counsel, wisdom and understanding reign in Number 10. May the government have a heart for family life, stand for what is true and lead with justice. 

    As parents and citizens we will not cower in fear over the plans of the enemy concerning our children, but we will rise up with courage and confidence in prayer to protect and defend the lives of our children. May God’s grace continue to abound as we demonstrate charity in our homes and communities. Let unity and love reign over this nation. We speak unending grace over our education system. As parents, grant us the understanding that we are our children’s greatest teachers. Help us when we do not know how. Give us wisdom to work smart and create time with our children. Help us to be parents so no one else parents our children. Remind us when we forget what a privilege it is to be stewards of our precious children. 

    Above all, we ask that you continue with us in all that we do.

    We declare England is blessed psalm 33: 12❤

  • Trust 

    “Do not hold God at arms length- Let Him have complete reign in your life” Pastor Alan, Avcc.

    Sometimes, life happens and it leaves you in a place of wanting control and being in charge. Having control gives you ‘peace’ and you feel in charge. O how I have struggled wanting to be in control!! The very things I want to be in charge of, somehow they slip my hands and spiral out of control. Today I felt God calling me out of wanting to be in control. I do not know how, BUT I am taking a step of faith and allow Him to lead me…

    #outofcontrol

    #intoHisgrace

    #newseason

    Hopeful ❤